#I’m loving watching this series like a decade older and in a completely different career path and with a healthier mindset

[aryaadrottning]

Reviving this account to say I’m back in my criminal minds era bc I’m rewatching from the beginning

[jokerfan99]

My Top 10 Favorite Anime Villains (Updated) by DarkChild316

In a different time and a different world, I did a list of “My 10 Favorite Anime Villains”. I am older now, and hopefully much wiser and now thanks to the global pandemic and my new subscriptions to Hulu and Funimation I’ve had the opportunity to go back and revisit so many classic anime that I feel like I should re-do it. Plus I’ve gone back and looked at my previous list and shook my head thinking to myself: “My God man, what in the f**k were you thinking with some of these choices!” So, I’ve gone back and redone the list, now this list is strictly for the men only. If you want to see a list dedicated to my favorite female villains, check out my list of “My Top 10 Favorite Anime Villainesses.” But for this list, here is my updated list of My Top 10 Favorite Anime Villains:

#10. Shishiho Makoto (Rurouni Kenshin): Growing up as a kid, Ruroni Kenshin was one of the first anime I had ever watched, and this guy was someone who I hated with a passion. Looking back at it years later, I realize now what an amazing villain and foil to Kenshin that Makoto was. Unlike a lot of villains on this list, Makoto wasn’t just evil for the sake of being evil, Makoto’s evil came from the worst type of trauma: betrayal! In this case the betrayal came from Makoto’s own government, where Makoto survived not only multiple gunshots, but being doused in oil and burned alive, leaving him in complete and utter agony. What puts Shishio on my list is what he manages to do after surviving death. He compiles an army of the best fighters Japan has to offer and plots to overthrow the entire Meiji Government. While in complete agony. Who else can claim that? Did I also mention he’s topping the list of the best fighters in the show? His swordsmanship is second only to Kenshin himself as he proves in their absolutely epic fight.

#9. Hisoka Morrow (Hunter x Hunter): Hunter x Hunter is a show with several great villains that truly stand out, and while Meruem was memorable, pardon me for believing that Hisoka was the standout villain from that show. A devious killer and master Nen user, Hisoka is driven by little more than his desire to find and kill strong opponents. Be they young children or master criminals, he’ll pursue them to the ends of the Earth with a bloodlust on par with that of a wild predator. Likewise, he doesn’t care what happens to himself or others in this pursuit. Mass civilian casualties, the loss of his own villainous allies or even the loss of his own limbs barely phases him, so long as he gets to fight with someone that tests his limits. As a result, he more often than not embodies chaos incarnate, wreaking havoc in his pursuit of battle and leaving a mountain of corpses behind him. Needless to say, this puts him at odds with the series’ protagonists at regular intervals. Not only do Gon and his friends fit the bill for what he seeks, but they often take on enemies that prove to be exactly what Hisoka is looking for. And yet, this also serves to make him all the more interesting. Where other villains might strike out at the protagonists and heroes immediately, Hisoka schemes, allies himself with and double-crosses people regularly, always finding the best angle to work in order to reach his goals. He may not be a world-ending anime villain on the level of a Meruem with seismic ambitions, but he’s undeniably the most interesting and brilliant villain in Hunter x Hunter to see at work.

#8. Izaya Orihara (Durarara!!): If you think of a list of top anime villains and this guy isn’t one of the first people who comes to mind, please raise your hands so I can have a few words with you in private with no cameras or eyewitnesses. The crazy thing about Izaya is that he doesn’t even realize he’s evil, and that’s what makes him great. He loves humanity; from the depths of his bones he loves us all. This is why he makes it onto my list; he does progressively more cruel acts against humans, putting people in situations that generally lead to their deaths. He is also a master of parkour and highly skilled with a switchblade in his hand (as evident in the above picture), which he generally only uses in dire situations or fights against Shizuo. In short, I absoulutely love this guy. I thoroughly enjoyed the way he manages to manipulate an entire populous, and that’s why he’s more than earned a spot on my list.

#7. Dio Brando (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure): You might have thought it was someone else, but it was me, Dio! All meme-worthy jokes aside, Dio Brando is unquestionably one of the most iconic anime villains of all time and, thanks to his series’ late-blooming popularity outside of Japan thanks largely to the 2012 anime adaptation, one that still feels modern in our minds. Dio is a tenacious bastard that takes advantage of the generosity of the Joestar family to further his own power, being intolerably dickish to Jonathan by constantly tearing him down, trying to make him look bad in front of his dad, spreading rumors to sully his reputation, and sabotaging his relationships. This escalates into killing his dog (his f***ikg dog of all things!), poisoning and later stabbing his adoptive father (I mean WTF!), and becoming a freakin vampire. Even after decapitation, Dio gets his revenge and sets in motion many of the events of the series, making a formal return in Stardust Crusaders as the main villain once again. With raw ambition taken to the extreme, iconic lines, poses, and outfits, incredible abilities from Aztec mask-induced vampirism and the time-stopping power of The World, Dio’s menacing presence towers over his series and over anime as a whole, which makes him MORE than deserving of a spot on my list.

#6. Light Yagami (Death Note): Yes, he’s a VILLAIN, get over yourselves Light Yagami fanboys! Anyway, there are a number of different adjectives and superlatives that could be used to described the lead character of Death Note: Diabolical, calculating, and determined to make the world in his own image all describe Light who was easily the most clever man in  Death Note, as evidenced by the layers upon layers that composed his elaborate plans.  Light started out as a good kid, doing well in school and heading to a bright career in police work like his father. But when he gets possession of the death note, he begins a remarkable descent into a disturbing mastermind who becomes judge, jury, and executioner for the entire world. But what truly makes Light's character stand out remains complicated throughout the story. His ultimate goal is to make the world a happier, safer place; a noble but perhaps misguided goal. His idealism and nobility still shine through when he doesn’t have the Death Note. When he temporarily relinquishes ownership of the death note to throw L off his trail, Light loses all memory of the death note and he reverts to his normal personality. His sense of morality returns and he shows more compassion for those around him. He even refuses to use Misa Amane to get information out of her when L asks him to. These qualities help to create a complex character who ends up being a detestable villain, yet you still kind of root for him to come out of this story as a winner. Light’s progression through the series is marked by his sheer brilliance. He's got a calculated and strategic mind that would make the great philosopher Machiavelli jealous, and the power of the death note adds a callousness that makes him free to use people in whatever way necessary to accomplish his goals. It’s highly entertaining to see his intricate plans play out. But Light’s messiah-like ego is just as big as his brain, and that arrogance ultimately leads to his tragic downfall.

#5. The Major (Hellsing): An evil Nazi Scientist, I know everyone is just rolling their eyes right now thinking I’m reaching for the low-hanging fruit for this one, but just hear me out here. While he may seem like an obvious pick for a list like this, The Major’s goals, however, are somehow far more unhinged than what may first appear. Despite being an impassioned orator and uncompromising strategist willing to sacrifice countless soldiers, the Major himself had no especial loyalty or passion for the cause of Millennium. His sole obsession is to plunge the world into an unending conflict to the point of endangering not only the lives of others but also his own. The Major’s leadership of Millennium, his decades espousing the genocidal ideology of fascists, and subsequent war against the Hellsing organization, the Vatican, and the entire world serve only as a pretext to satiate his insatiable bloodlust. The Major is one of anime’s most insidious villains, a charismatic, nihilistic sociopath driven purely by his sadomasochistic death wish.

#4. Shou Tucker (Fullmetal Alchemist): Now, you may be recalling that in my previous version of this list, I had Envy listed as my choice as my favorite villain from this show. Well after careful reconsideration, I’ve had to reevaluate my decision and give that spot to this creep, because while Envy’s actions were despicable to a point, they PALE in comparison to this guy! He only really appears in one episode if I remember correctly, yet in that one single episode, he made more of an impact then most villains make in a lifetime, which really says a lot about this guy’s character. What was it that made him so memorable you ask? Well, it could have something to do with the fact that this man transmutaed his own dog and daughter to create a talking chimera, which hadn’t been done before, and for what other reason…all in the name of recognition in the world of alchemy! That mere fact alone made this guy the most hated man in all of anime, the fact that he sacrificed his own family for the sake of fame, with absolutely no hint of remorse, made this guy the definition of an absolute living piece of shit and the only thing worse is how the episode ended, but I won’t spoil that one for you if you haven’t seen it.

#3. Gendo Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion) Up next is a man competing with the likes of Medusa Gorgon for the title of “Anime’s Worst Parent”, Gendo Ikari, please step up to the front of the congregation. Now Gendo is a man who’s list of atrocities throughout Evangelion is far too many to name, but I’m going to try my best to list them here: You have being actively complicit in the premature instigation of a biblical apocalypse, resulting in a near extinction-level event that caused the death of nearly two-thirds of the human population. Emotionally neglecting his own son Shinji estranging himself from him for over twelve years, only to offer him up as a sacrificial pawn in his bid to artificially bootstrap humanity’s ascent into evolutionary godhood so that he could be reunited with his dead wife. Cloning said wife’s DNA into a harem of emotionally dependent albino ingenues who share a dogged infatuation for their creator. And that’s not even mentioning the horrific emotional abuse and mental manipulation he inflicts on Dr. Ritsuko Akagi and her mother Naoko. All-in-all Gendo is proof positive that love not only has the capacity to overcome any obstacle, but sometimes it can truly make monsters out of us all.

#2. Griffith (Berserk): Griffith did nothing wrong; at least, not by his own drives and ambitions. A peasant who grew to become the leader of his own mercenary band, Griffith was a self-driven man who pursued his desires with unparalleled efficiency. No matter the situation or obstacle, he found a way to overcome them, whether that meant facing down an army of thousands or assassinating a country’s leaders. All the while, he amassed a legion of friends and followers who would follow him to hell and back, caring for him as much or more than he cared for them. As a result, they were dragged down with him when his ambitions saw him imprisoned, tortured and maimed. They cared little though, risking life and limb to save him and help him salvage a life with what he had left. That wasn’t enough for Griffith though. When given the option to become a demon and continue the pursuit of his dreams, he whole-heartedly accepted it; even though it came at the cost of sacrificing the lives of each and every one of his friends and allies. But that wasn’t the worst of it, to further spite the early desertion of Guts, Griffith proceeds to rape Casca, Guts’ love interest, in front of him as Guts is held down by demons. So yes, Griffith did nothing wrong by himself. By everyone else though, he did them the worst of injustices, and continues to do so with each breath he takes, all of which makes him a compelling and infuriating villain.

#1. Johan Liebert (Monster): I’ve covered a wide variety of monsters (pun fully intended) on this list, but THIS monster (again, pun FULLY intended) truly takes the cake when it comes to anime villains. A serial killer who would fit in well in any blockbuster film, Monster told the story of a man who had truly become monstrous; a charismatic, intelligent sociopath with no other goal than to kill everyone else in the world. Johan didn't just kill people, he made other people into monsters just like him. This skill of his corruption is first displayed in his youth, when he used stories to convince the other boys in his orphanage to kill all the staff, and each other. Johan is often compared to Light Yagami of Death Note, but the two couldn’t be any more different. Light's fatal (and genius) flaw is his own ego, which leads him to put his own life above all else, even his goal of changing the world. But Johan has never been afraid of death. Quite the opposite, he welcomes and embraces it, being more than willing to put his own life at risk, and one of his signature traits is how he challenges people to shoot him. Another of Jonah’s signature traits is his skills as a masterful manipulator. Where Light and other on this list had to resort to supernatural means to get what they wanted, Johan just used his own wits and knowledge of human nature. He's easily the most frightening villain on this list because he’s the truest to life villain on this list and he exposes the base human nature of his victims and of human society. Monster's remarkable story was almost entirely due to Johan alone, and it’s why he’s #1 on my list.

So that's my updated list, what did you guys think about it? Love it, hated it? Go on and tell me what you think and let me know who your favorite anime villains are. See you soon!!!

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/darkchild316

[callmeelle22]

Blue Dream III

Pairing: Iris West x Barry Alen

Rating: E

Chapter Word Count: 4, 559

Summary: A series of sporadic dates between Iris and Barry turn into something more, a story in its own making.

Chapter I: Primetime

Chapter II: It's Cool

Chapter III: Anything; It would make sense, she supposes, if looking at her also feels like this for him, like her heart beats in time with every breath he takes and like time slows or stalls or...like every minute here is infinitely longer and in these moments… in these moments, she thinks that the world must somehow tilt on its axis because she feels...i feel you comin' down like honey, do do you even know i'm alive?, do do you even know i, i... she feels… (Read below or on the AO3 link on the chapter title.)

Chapter IV: Comfortable

Chapter V: The Way

Chapter VI: Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

Chapter VII: I'm in Love with You

Chapter VIII: Blue Dream

Anything

Maybe I should kill my inhibition

Maybe I'll be perfect in a new dimension

On the Saturday the week after Barry’s impromptu visit, Iris finds herself down on Main Street about half an hour after 10 in the morning. Nearly the entire 8 blocks of the street are sectioned off, with a plethora of white tents set up on both sides of the street. She glances on as she makes her way down the sidewalk, as people set up books and jewelry and clothes; beer and wine and harder liquor; food and sweets and other treats.

It’s the setup for Central City’s Fall Fest, one of a multitude of fests in the city that Iris calls home. It’ll be open to the public in a few hours and, like usual, Iris will make her way up and down the blocks a few times, holding a beer in one hand and something fried on a stick in the other, a couple of bags filled with things she doesn’t need in the crook of her elbow.

Now, though, she steps into the alley that leads to the side door of Golden’s, an Asian and American fusion restaurant and bar owned by the parents of her best friend, Linda Park. She gives a heavy-handed couple of knocks and only moments later, Linda opens the door to let her in.

Iris first met the other women when they were in the 7th grade. Iris’s parents had divorced several months prior to a new school year and for reasons not then known to Iris, her dad had gotten full custody of her and six-year-old Wally. They’d moved into a new house on the other side of town and that had meant a new school for her. Linda had sat beside her in their homeroom/advisory class and the girl with beige skin and long dark brown hair was constantly scribbling something in a notebook. Iris had discovered that they’d been stories, usually with families as the starring characters. By then, Iris had begun to write in her own notebook—musings and wonderings about the neighbors she’d just met, about what it meant to be the oldest child of divorced parents. They’d bonded over their writing; well, that and being two of only a handful of girls at the school with skin darker than the pale and spray-tanned skin of their classmates.

For over a decade, it’s been Iris and Linda. Through the messy stages of puberty and their even messier interactions with high school boys; through late-night study binges and even worse interactions with college boys. Through the drug addiction that took Iris’s mom and the car crash that had put Linda’s older brother on life support until he’d succumbed to his own injuries, they’ve navigated it all together.

Now, life gets in the way. Linda, almost immediately after undergrad graduation, had begun shopping around a number of short stories and personal essays she had written until, finally, a publisher had bit and opted to publish them as an anthology. A few years and too many nights spent locked in a room later and Linda’s book is a New York Times bestseller. Iris’s own success story is pending. In addition to completing her graduate degree (which, at 26, she’d started late, after taking some time off and working at a local newspaper), she runs a blog, one she’d started by accident. Her middle school musings had become pointed interviews and, with the classes she’d taken in college, had gotten the necessary skills to begin writing up her own human interest stories. It’s amazing, she’s learned, what people will tell you when they can hide behind the face of someone else. What a Life You’ve Lived is growing in popularity, making some money too, and it’s starting to become more than just a hobby for Iris.

Neither Iris nor Linda is ever truly free; but in a concentrated effort to make time, they brunch at least twice a month. This morning, it’s at Golden’s (where Linda is working as a bartender while she writes her next book) because her parents want them to try out new menu items. When the door shuts behind them, Linda turns and gives Iris a hug, wrapping her arms around her neck. Iris returns it, smiling into her hair, her familiar lavender scent a warm comfort she didn’t know she needed.

“I’ve missed your beautiful face,” Linda says, squeezing her hard once before letting her go.

“Yeah?��� Iris asks, mouth lifting in a smirk. “Is it because you’re tired of looking at Daniel’s beautiful face?”

Linda rolls her eyes. “Never, though I’d rather put my eye out before I tell him that.”

Linda has been dating her boyfriend Daniel Ngyuen, nerdy engineer and man ridiculously head over heels for her, for a few months, after they met at a book signing hosted by Linda’s parents.

“You’re ridiculous,” Iris tells her, and Linda preens in response.

Something in Iris tightens, a faint film of green clouding her view for all of a millisecond. She’s ashamed she even had the thought, that she feels anything but happiness at the light in her friend’s chocolate brown eyes or the glow in her cheeks. She’s not jealous of Linda, of course she’s not. But Iris can’t help but find some envy at the feeling of contentment that so obviously surrounds her friend and the juxtaposition of her own drifting existence.

It’s almost tangible, these differences, at least to her. Iris can see the confidence practically emanating from Linda’s dress-clad form, the long-sleeved maxi dress and tall sandals, her wavy shoulder-length hair, making her look a little like a goddess. But Iris imagines that’s what it must look like, to be at the start of a career you’ve always wanted, to have the love of a man you’re secure in, to just...know your place, your purpose.

And maybe Iris is being dramatic. She supposes she looks as put together as she’s always thought she needed to be in her light denim jeans, pale pink cropped sweater, and tan block-heeled sandals. She’s been wearing her natural hair out this week and the wavy curls are piled up in an artfully messy bun. Still, even if Iris can’t touch on why she feels so scattered, like all of the pieces that make up the whole of her are floating aimlessly around her body, she cannot deny that the feeling is there, taking up space in her head like the songs she latches on to keep focused, maybe I should pray a little harder, or work a little smarter.

They walk through the restaurant, bustling with the waitstaff preparing for the 11 am opening. Golden’s isn’t an overly large place, only able to fit about 50 people at a time, but Iris thinks it’s a part of the charm. It’s decorated in dark brown wood and bright white and gold light fixtures; the tables and booths are spread out in a way that allows for privacy, making customers feel as if they’re in their own little worlds.

Linda leads them to their usual table, one actually tucked into a little alcove where only the Parks and their guests are allowed to sit. At the table, there’s already a carafe of juice too close to red-pink to be orange juice, along with a bottle of champagne. Outside of the wine and marijuana Friday nights and the occasional party or club, Iris only really indulges in alcohol when she and Linda have these brunches. They slide into the booth and Linda immediately reaches for the champagne.

Over the next couple of hours, Iris is reminded of why, regardless of her own issues, she loves his woman. They laugh, sharing stories of Iris’s students and the customers who come into Golden’s. They get on each other’s nerves, making jokes and ribbing the other any chance they get. At one point, Linda’s parents come out, her honey-skinned Chinese mother Xuan and her dad Theo, Chinese and white with skin like baked sugar cookies, and Iris blinks adoringly up at the both of them, always lost in their beauty—both tall and elegant with ridiculous cheekbones.

“It’s sickening,” Linda mutters as she watches Iris watch them walk away, “how you look at them.”

“I’ve had a crush on your parents for as long as I’ve known them,” Iris replies. “If they ever want a thre-”

“Don’t you finish that fucking statement,” Linda gripes and Iris howls in laughter until Linda points out the attractiveness of Iris’s own father. “You know I’d always hop on the chance to be your stepmom.”

“And I’d happily sabotage your wedding day.”

“But it’d be worth it when I got to climb on top of Daddy West during the honeymoon.”

Iris throws a strawberry at her.

She hears him before she sees him. She’s been at Fall Fest for only about twenty minutes after leaving Golden’s, full and tipsy, walking through the steadily filling streets. Of all of the festivals in Central City, of which there are several (seasonal fests like the Fall and Spring fests; food fests like the Food Truck and Italian Food fests; cultural fests like the Juneteenth and Hispanic Heritage fests), the Fall Fest is one of her favorites. It’s during the best time of the year, when the sun is still blazing but the wind cuts through the heat. When the leaves have begun to drift off trees and dance onto the ground, changing into the shades of yellow and orange and red that only nature can paint. When the booths run the gamut in what they sell, from cooked and packaged foodstuffs, to clothes and jewelry, to dance or golf lessons. It’s the one festival, besides the Pan-African Celebration, that their entire family would attend, even for a few years after the divorce. Her parents would take off work and put aside their differences to spend time together--until Wally had felt too old and her dad had needed too many more work hours and her mom had gotten too lost; and then Iris had started coming with Linda and then, this year, alone.

But she doesn’t dwell—she tries not to dwell these days—and besides, she’s just heard him.

He doesn’t sound any different in the light of the day. In her head, she keeps hearing him as he is in the throes of passion, when his voice is more of a throaty curse, when it’s a rumble against her heated flesh. Here, out here with children screaming from their blocked-off sections and ladies laughing as they smell through candle selections and men arguing from the faux sports bars set up at random tents, he should sound like anyone else. He shouldn’t even be heard over the music coming from the speakers they can’t see—down for the ride, down for the ride; you could take me anywhere; do do do down for the ride, down for the ride; you could take me anywhere; i hope you will, I hope you will, I hope you will—or the sheer noise that’s true for events like this. But he is.

She looks up, ignoring the woman still trying to convince her to buy a bottle or three of perfume, and she sees him, right at the booth beside hers. He’s with two other men, one shorter with light brown skin and dark brown eyes and black hair pulled back in a ponytail; the other only a bit taller than the friend, with skin darker than Iris’s, glasses, and a short afro. Iris vaguely thinks that the three of them together are some sort of setup for a bar joke. They’re dressed similarly, in pants and t-shirts, though Iris’s eyes catch onto Barry’s hunter green chinos and white shirt, the beige pocket square matching his desert boots. All three of them have relatively full beers in their hands and Iris is looking at the cup in Barry’s hand (or rather, his fingers wrapped around the cup) for about three seconds before it jerks, beer spilling out. She looks up to find he’s looking back at her too, muttering “Iris,” in surprise.

She watches her hand and smiles back at him, a bit awkwardly, stepping away from the booth where the woman has already moved on to a new customer.

“Hi Barry,” she responds, walking over to them. She spares a glance at the other two, the Black man looking at her curiously, the Latino man a bit more humorously. “Fancy seeing you here.”

It’s not her smoothest line, but Iris thinks she might be in shock. When he’d left her, again, before she woke up on Saturday morning, she’d found his number written in tiny handwriting on the notepad on her desk, the unimaginative “call me” scribbled beneath it. She hadn’t. She’d thought about; oh had she.

On Monday, she’d debated calling him up to grab a coffee during her break. On Wednesday, she’d gotten an email about a new story and she’d wondered, for a moment, what he might think about it. But then she’d thought of his sweet mouth telling her “I wanted to know if it was as good as my memory,” and she had decided that he likely wouldn’t care about her days.

Now, he gives her a thorough once-over, probably remembering, and Iris feels a flush of heat run through her that she knows has very little to do with the warm late September sun.

“Iris,” he says again, his voice a touch higher than normal. His companions look at each other, eyebrows raised.

“Iris,” the long-haired one repeats, laughter coloring his tone. “I’m Cisco.”

“And I’m Chester,” says the one with dark skin, and they both stand there looking at her, grinning like loons until Barry cuts in.

“Alright, stop being weird.”

They don’t. Barry rolls his eyes and pushes past them to stand in front of her. Even with the heels she’s wearing, she has to stretch her neck a little to look up at him.

“Hey,” he says, this time lower, a soft breeze on her skin.

“Hi,” she repeats, just as softly.

The sounds of the carnival don’t disappear so much as they become muted, such as if she were submerged in water or if there was a rushing in her ears, because everything becomes background noise save for the concentrated sound of his voice.

“You didn’t call,” he says to her.

“I—” she starts, but she’s got nothing to say, not anything that won’t make her sound needy or desperate.

“Hey Barry,” Cisco calls.

“Yeah?” Barry answers, but he doesn’t turn away from her. No, he’s looking at her still, assessing her almost. He’s trying to figure something out, she decides, or at least that’s how it seems, what with the way he stares so intently, blue-green eyes pouring into her, bringing up images of them staring up at her from between her thighs, bringing out impressions that feel like more than lust, like more than just two people who’ve only ever bared their bodies to each other.

“We’re gonna go to another tent,” Chester says. “Catch up with you later.”

“Alright,” is the reply, those eyes glittering like the sea in the afternoon sun, still fixed on her. There’s a slight frown to his mouth, and when he speaks again, she can’t tell if he’s reached his conclusion or not.

“Walk with me?”

She nods before she even thinks about it. “Sure.”

They start back down the path. The booths are in abundance this year; it’s a bigger festival than she’s seen before. For a while, they don’t talk. They walk side by side, arms brushing every so often, stopping at booths that catch their attention. For him is a booth with a variety of multi-piece puzzles, some featuring landscapes and gardens, others of the solar system or space. For her, it’s one selling notebooks, beautiful leather-bound journals. She stops, enthralled, picking up one in coral-colored leather with rose-gold edging.

“We can also engrave the name,” the sun-tanned woman with pale blonde hair behind the tent says. “Or you can order custom colors.”

Iris nods, murmurs, “these are really nice,” and continues flipping through the heavy cream paper in the coral notebook. These days, much of her writing gets done on her overused Macbook; it’s just easier that way. But when she writes, for herself—little anecdotes about her day, her feelings spelled out in poetry—she does so in notebooks like these.

“You’re a writer,” Barry wonders and it’s a statement as much as it’s a question.

“Yeah.” She looks up at him and nods. “I’m actually getting my master’s in journalism.”

She puts the journal down once she notes the $40 price tag and thanks the woman as they walk off, Iris looking back at the notebook with longing.

“I also run a blog,” she tells him, and the words tumbling out of her mouth are a shock.

“Really?” he looks at her in surprise. “What’s the site? Is it popular?”

It’s not like she’s embarrassed of her blog or anything, but it feels different, to tell people she knows about her work. Because it’s one thing for strangers to read what she types out in earnest, and in tears and in vulnerability, but it’s something altogether different for people she knows to do the same. They aren’t her stories, not actually, but they are always her words, always her emotions she puts into them, and it feels too, too telling somehow.

“It’s growing in popularity,” she tells him, because she’s the one who opened this can of worms. “It’s called What a Life You’ve Lived.”

He hums, like that means something to him, but before she can ask what, two kids come barreling through the aisle. Iris tries to step out of the way and she slips, her heel catching in a small crack in the asphalt. Her knees buckle, but before she can hit the ground, Barry’s arms are around her. One of his large hands holds onto her, pressed against the bare skin of her belly, and then she’s pressed fully against him.

It’s absurd how much she likes the feel of him—the slim but corded muscles in his arms, the apparent strength in his fingers; and she likes the smell of him too, the faint hint of his laundry detergent mixed with the heat of the sun mixed with the citrus of his cologne. It’s another moment (™), which doesn’t make sense because he’s only just caught her from falling. But he’s looking at her like there is more in her gaze besides the brown of her irises, the flutter of her lashes. It would make sense, she supposes, if looking at her also feels like this for him, like her heart beats in time with every breath he takes and like time slows or stalls or...like every minute here is infinitely longer and in these moments… in these moments, she thinks that the world must somehow tilt on its axis because she feels...i feel you comin' down like honey, do do you even know i'm alive?, do do you even know i, i...she feels…

“Are you alright?”

Barry’s voice is quiet, too quiet for the energy they’re surrounded by. And maybe she doesn’t even hear it as she does read the movement of his pink mouth.

“Yeah, I am.”

He straightens, then, and gives her a half-smile. “You know, Iris, if you wanted to fall all over me, you could have just called.”

He likely had been trying for levity, but it’s pointed, right there at the end. She steps away from him and he lets her, his fingers sliding along the small of her back until they’re no longer on her skin. It leaves her cold

(only that can’t be true, because it’s far too warm out)

and she watches as he stuffs his hands into his pockets.

“I was waiting on your call, Iris.”

They've moved into a corner where the direction of the festival booths turn right. Straight ahead of them is a 21+ section; it features a stage where performances will begin around 5 as well as a number of makeshift bar stations. There’s a similar set-up with kid-friendly activities on the other side of the festival. Barry’s friends are standing at one of the bar stations talking to two women, both with chestnut-brown skin and long kinky hair. Iris’s eyes shift to take in the rest of her surroundings, to the sound of people laughing and the couples holding hands and the families who seem elated to be together on a day like today.

When she turns back, Barry is patiently watching her, head tilted to the side, expression thoughtful, like it always tends to be.

“Have dinner with me tonight,” Barry suggests “We can walk around some more. And once we get sun-tired, I can take you to this spot that I like nearby and we can talk. Maybe about why you didn’t call.”

She licks her lips, pulls the bottom one between her teeth. She hedges, long enough to tell herself that this would be a foolish endeavor, that she should just say no, that he’s nice and cute and what harm would it do. But, really, when he asks, those cyan eyes gleaming and his cheeks faintly pink and his face so goddamn hopeful it almost makes her look away, she really has no other choice.

“Okay, sure.”

She doesn’t tell him why she doesn’t call.

What she does is tell him about her dad and how she’s always been in awe of him, of his grace and his strength and the lessons he’d taught her. She tells him about Wally, who’s brilliant and searching, trying to figure out his way (not unlike her, though this she doesn’t say). She tells him about Linda, her sister in all of the ways that count, who’s always with her, even when she isn’t. And when he asks, because of course he does, she tells him about her mother who was beautiful and kind, all the way until sickness took her away.

She tells him this because he tells her first, about a larger-than-life father whose proximity to wrong-doing bureaucrats had landed him in prison, and an easy-going mother whose life had ended because someone else had been desperate for the money in her purse.

They do indeed walk around ‘til they’re tired, until around 6. Then Barry takes her to a little American bistro where they pride themselves on grass-fed meats and homegrown vegetables. They devour burgers the size of their heads and a mountain of fries that deserve their own table. He stuffs her with food and a piece of pie after, and he asks her some questions. He wants to know her favorite color and the television show she’s currently watching and if she’s always wanted to be a writer: yellow and Bridgerton and only since her parents’ divorce, when she’d needed to know that hers was only a unique story—or maybe she had needed confirmation that it wasn’t. She wonders about his dream job, his favorite hobby, the one thing he wishes he could do: forensic scientist, which he is, amateur theater, and getting his dad out of prison. That opens up a space for more convolution than should be allowed on a first date, and so she asks him more about amateur theater.

After, he walks her back to where her car is parked past Golden’s. When they get there, he listens for the sound of her car alarm, and then he turns her around, pressing her back against her car door. He walks closer, a hand at her waist, the other reaching up to cup the back of her neck, thumb circling lightly around her throat.

“Thank you for dinner,” she whispers. “I had a really nice time.”

“Yeah?” His mouth ticks up, that half-smile that is somehow both charming and a little bit maddening. “Enough that I might get a kiss?”

She tilts her head as if in thought, even as she gives in to her desire to touch him too, reaching up to finger at the faint moles dotting her cheeks. She only barely nods her acquiescence when he closes whatever distance is left and kisses her. Iris is always surprised by how warm his mouth is, by how sweet he tastes. He tastes like the apple pie they had earlier, but also like early sunset coffee on cool fall mornings and like how slow sex in the middle of the night feels.

He’s gentle in some ways, his mouth moving slow against hers, his tongue licking into her mouth like he’s trying to find life inside of her. But he’s a little rough too, squeezing at her waist so he won’t fondle her in the middle of the street, tightening his hold on her throat, only a little, but enough that Iris begins to feel the action in the throb of her sex. They kiss, eyes closed, her own fingers scratching at the nape of his neck, her hips thrusting against his in time to the flick of his tongue across her bottom lip, until she feels the swell of his dick against her belly and her loud moan tears him away from her.

“Fuck Iris,” he all but growls, licking his lips as he looks her over, a little wrecked. She hadn’t even realized she was doing it, playing with the soft strands of his hair, until she notices it’s all messy, matching the state of his swollen mouth, his wrinkled skirt, the heavy dent in the center of his pants. She wonders what she looks like.

“Get in the car, baby.”

Wide-eyed at the endearment outside of sex, Iris does as he tells her to, sliding in and buckling up before he closes the door. When the purr of her engine starts, he motions for her to roll her window down. She does, waiting as he plants his elbow on top of the car, bending his lean frame down so that his face is level with her.

He smiles softly at her. “Go out with me next Sunday.”

She bites at her lip, if only to give herself another moment to breathe. Because this date would be moving beyond a two-night stand, beyond an impromptu date, far beyond kissing on the side of the street.

“What time on Sunday?”

“Early afternoon,” he says and leans in even closer. “I’ll pick you up.”

She nods before she can talk herself out of it, even if she knows that she should. Barry motions for her with a crook of one of his long fingers, and it makes her think of what’s been playing in her head, of down for the ride, down for the ride; you can take me anywhere, and when she comes to, he places a sweet kiss on her mouth.

“I’ll see you next week,” he says, pulling away slowly.

And then Iris watches him—his strong and assured walk, his compelling and commanding aura—until she can’t see him anymore.

Do do do down for the ride, down for the ride

You could take me anywhere

I hope you will, I hope you will, I hope you will

[dailyexo]

[INTERVIEW] EXO - 191213 Billboard: “EXO Talk 'Obsession’ Album & Future: 'I Hope that the Name of EXO Can Grow’”

"It’s been seven years since EXO arrived with 2012's MAMA EP, and since then the boy band has spent much of its time atop of the South Korean music scene, with hits like 2013’s “Growl" and 2015’s “Love Me Right” setting them up as a dominant act throughout much of Asia. Last month, they unveiled their sixth LP, Obsession, ending the year -- and the decade -- with both a new sound and a hint towards what the future will bring for the men of EXO.

Fronted by a lead single also dubbed “Obsession,” the 10-track album is bookended by Korean and Chinese versions of the song, which turns the group towards hip-hop-inspired sampling and an intense Auto-tuning, blending their more typical R&B and electro-pop styling with musical elements that at first seem anachronistic and jarring. But it’s the perfect way to set up the story they’re trying to tell.

For EXO, the majority of their musical releases have been tied into fictive narratives revolving around the members and fantastical, sci-fi plot lines, ranging from the extraterrestrial to the supernatural. For Obsession, which peaked at No. 198 on the Billboard 200 chart dated Dec. 14, EXO presented oppositional sides to themselves through a series of teaser images and videos ahead of the album’s release, setting up an epic battle between EXO and their X-EXO clones, which played out in the music video for their single. The song’s apparent disjointment on first listen is meant to go alongside the visual elements, representing a dialogue between the two warring parties.

“Honestly, when we look into a song we think about what kind of performance will work and whether a song will fit the kind of performance we want to put on,” Kai tells Billboard. “So when we heard this song, we thought it was a really good fit in the sense that for the Auto-Tune it matched the idea of the two different EXOs, EXO and X-EXO. The Auto-Tune kind of gives us the vibe of communication between the two different parties having a conversation, so it was a very specific move that we took.” He said he thinks EXO will win the fight, eventually, “Because anytime you watch a movie or read a comic the hero does win. X-EXO is temporary so they’re going to disappear anyway.”

The idea behind the storylines that EXO utilizes to promote their music is to better get their music across to fans -- known collectively as EXO-L -- and also to better relay content in the age of digital media, where visuals are just as important as audio elements. It’s been something the group has been utilizing since their earliest days, and each member has supernatural powers associated with them that often are featured in their branding. “We’re not just a group that sings and dances,” says Chanyeol. “For people watching us, of course they know the storylines are fake. But like watching a movie, it's another way for people to fall for us more deeply. It gives people a back story about how we were formed. Our storyline isn't just incorporated into our music or videos, but it's incorporated really well into our concerts as well. We do feel that it really allows people to become properly immersed.”

Kai and Chanyeol are two of six EXO members that participated in the album, alongside Baekhyun, Chen, Sehun, and Suho, following the enlistment of Xiumin and D.O. in South Korea’s military, fulfilling the country’s mandatory draft requirements, and Lay focusing on a solo career in China. The six other members are expected to similarly enlist and take temporary hiatuses from the industry in the near future.

The new dynamic has given EXO’s members opportunities to explore different sides of themselves, and Chanyeol says that it’s also opened their eyes to how they work together and cover for one another in case of any issues. Each member "has to pull their weight so whether in singing or dance, there are parts that won’t be hidden,” he says. “It would be a really big problem [if we made a mistake] because it would be really obvious.” For Suho, who is EXO’s leader, the diminishing numbers makes him reflective. “The fact that we’re unable to perform with all the members is a little bit sad, so when we look at old videos we do feel like, ‘Oh, there are a lot of members in the group’ and we’d like to come together as a full group.”

As all able-bodied South Korean men are expected to take time off from their lives to fulfill the country’s draft requirements, EXO knows it will be seeing more such changes in the near future, and the act will likely not look the way it once did for sometime. But rather than dwell on the past, the men of EXO are looking towards the future, and 2019 saw many of them work on alternative projects, where it was releasing solo music, such as Chen, Baekhyun, Xiumin, and D.O., or working with new units, like Sehun and Chanyeol’s EXO-SC and Baekhyun and Kai in SuperM, along with numerous other professional activities. “We’ve received so much love for our units and solo projects, but at the end of the day the most important thing is the team and group’s performances,” says Baekhyun. “The fact that we’re able to show all these different sides to us also allows us to show different sides of EXO as a group and show how diverse we are, and how each of us have our own talents.”

When asked how they feel about their career over the past decade and what they hope for the future, Chanyeol responds that the members of EXO feel that they’re focusing on the present and facing each moment on its own. “To be honest, when we do interviews when we’re working we realize that as a group we’ve become very comfortable. Rather than us having to go out of our way to go do something, it’s become very natural for us. It’s grown with time and come naturally, this sense of maturity.”

Though EXO and X-EXO battle it out over the Obsession album, the duality of the release is also reflected in the members’ struggles to explore their identities as individuals beyond the act: how to be both a member of EXO and a man in his own right. As EXO have grown in their career, they have also grown up: youngest member Sehun debuted as a teenager but is now 25-years-old. Unfortunately ill on the day of the interview, he was silent throughout much of the discussion and his health hung over the act like a cloud, with frequent references to how, as they get older, they need to take care of themselves better. “These days, seeing that our physical health is part of our workload, I feel that a healthy life, health in general, is very important,” says Baekhyun. “Rather than thinking about more of what we can do to grow as a group, I feel that we all have begun to focus on seeking individual happiness. Right now, a lot of our focus is on how each person is able to find their own happiness and health, and use that when we come together as a group to move in the right direction.”

Suho echoes this, saying that their branching out as individuals beyond the group is a way to take care of themselves as individuals after years of focusing on the collective well-being. “In the past, EXO’s schedule didn’t allow a lot of individual talents to be focused on but starting from the beginning of this year we were given the time to really focus on ourselves, whether it was internally or externally. It’s not just us as a group, but I think everybody needs that kind of self-care. It was good for everybody.”

Even as they focus on themselves, the group is still the focal point of EXO’s identity. “We came together, got very close, and without the passion that we had as a group I don’t think we would have made it as far as we have come,” reflects Baekhyun. “When it comes to being satisfied, as people I think that we’re never 100% satisfied.” This passion towards improving and always seeking something closer and closer to perfection, but recognizing that is impossible and that there is always something more to be done, is emphasized by the members’ responses when asked what their obsessions are: Kai says he’s a workaholic, and Chanyeol says his competitive nature is to the degree that it could be considered an obsession. (Meanwhile, Baekhyun’s obsessed with games, and Kai jokes that Sehun is obsessed with alcohol, as it is well-known he’s one of the group’s members who enjoys drinking.)

One place where Chanyeol at the very least is satisfied in is EXO’s music. “When it comes to our music, I’m 100% confident that we release quality music,” he says with pride. “It’s almost like we’re not following trends but we don’t fall back behind either.” He and Sehun tried to push their artistic side in a new direction with EXO-SC’s What a Life EP in July, and there was a bit of a negative response from some fans over the title song’s music video, which featured the pair partying it up with female dancers. But he says it’s all good, as there’s no moving forward without trying new things, and it’s always good to hear differing opinions. “We wanted to do something drastically different. You could say it was so completely different from what EXO typically releases. It was a very dramatic challenge for us, and even though there was some backlash from fans, for me personally it was a big motivating factor, that I need to show more new sides and that there are many new challenges to take on.”

It’s important to EXO that their audience takes in all the different sides to themselves that they have to offer, and Chen says he hopes that listeners recognize that there’s a difference between an artist releasing a single and an album. “If you listen to the whole album beyond ‘Obsession,’ you’ll recognize that all of the songs are good,” he says; his personal favorite is “Groove.” “I feel that there is a tendency that people just listen to the title track, but it would be really great if people can listen to the whole album because every song is really great.”

Moving forward, EXO knows they’re shifting into a new era of their career, but they express a desire to always remain as one. “I hope that EXO is able to continue just the way it does right now, but beyond the group I hope that each individual member is able to find his own happiness,” says Baekhyun. “We may not go on music performance shows all the time in 10 years, but we hope that we can release albums here and there. In that we can all live our own lives and come together, happily, as a group.” He pauses, and adds with a wry expression, “I think that in 10 years, hopefully we’ll be able to release something like a ballad or an R&B-heavy song where we can just stand around rather than dance.” Other members quickly jump in and refute this though. “That’s not EXO’s thoughts, that’s Baekhyun’s thoughts,” Sehun says with a laugh, while Chanyeol adds that he hopes EXO is “a very cool group” 10 years down the road; Kai adds that he would like to continue dancing as long as his body allows for it.

“As time passes, like our members, our fans are going to start pursuing their own lives as well,” says Kai. “As they fall into their own lives, when they suddenly have a thought of EXO, I hope that one thought that comes to their mind is, ‘It was a really good memory being their fan.’” Suho echoes this, repeating “A good memory” in English with a nod of his head. Baekhyun agrees with this desire for their time together with fans to be thought of warmly, but follows up with the suggestion that the idea of being a memory, while heartwarming, is limiting. “I really hope that we aren’t a group that is remembered as a group that’s part of the past, because when you think of that you think about these groups that don’t really promote and they don’t really do anything as a team. I hope that, whether individually or as a group, we continue to promote and that the name of EXO can continue to grow.”"

Photo links: 1

Credit: Billboard.

[recentanimenews]

OPINION: My Favorite Anime of 2020 Are All Music Videos

Image via ZUTOMAYO

  Despite the enormous pressures of COVID-19, 2020 has had its share of anime classics. Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! is a stone-cold classic to the degree it now feels as if it’s always existed. Decadence channeled the creative spirit of 2000s-era Madhouse into an off-kilter riff on dystopian science fiction and Pixar movies. Akudama Drive, now in its second half, continues to translate the bonkers, heartfelt pulp style of Danganronpa creator Kazutaka Kodaka to TV anime. There have been big successes in film, as well — Demon Slayer Mugen Train scored the highest opening weekend box office in Japanese history, while folks I follow on Twitter are excited for the new Bones film Josee, the Tiger and the Fish.

  One of my favorite anime projects this year was something completely different. It’s "Gotcha!," a short Pokemon-themed music video directed by Rie Matsumoto and her friends at Bones. A sequence that takes all of Matsumoto’s strengths — her attention to detail, the way she depicts exciting and supernatural things bursting out of the walls of our ordinary world, and her obsession with cramming every layer of the screen with stuff — and turns them with the precision of a laser toward celebrating the series’s near 25-year history. As encyclopedic as a Pokedex despite being only three minutes long, it’s a glorious celebration of a series loved and made by passionate fans. 

  Image via Pokemon Official YouTube Channel

  But "Gotcha!" wasn’t even the only fantastic music video made by former employees from the historic studio Toei. Earlier this year, animator Koudai Watanabe collaborated with the talented Naoki Yoshibe — director of the opening sequences for Gatchaman Crowds — to create a music video for ZUTOMAYO titled “STUDY ME.” It’s a rich purple-and-green media landscape of TV screens, glitches, Undertale references, and desperately reaching hands, packed with enough wild ideas and visual iconography to fuel an entire season of anime. But it wraps up in just under five minutes.  You’re left watching the video over and over again in a daze, trying in vain to catch every little detail.

  The animated music videos being made right now represent the most slept-on creative success in modern anime production among English language fans. (That’s music videos that are animated, not AMVs! You could write an entirely separate article on those.) I need to qualify “slept on,” since hardcore animation nerds like Yuyucow and Catsuka have been stumping for these works over the past several years. There are viral successes like "Gotcha!" and the inevitable crossover that happens when an artist doing the theme song for an anime leads others to check out their back catalog of past videos. But on websites and in magazines, I see stories about Netflix’s aggressive production of new TV series, the renaissance of Japanese anime films after Your Name, and bemused reactions to the shocking popularity of Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba. Talk about the newest music videos online is a lot rarer. Not to mention older videos. "Gotcha!" may have broken out as a celebration of a popular game series, but its predecessor — a Lotte chocolate commercial produced by much of the same staff — is just as good!

  Image via ZUTOMAYO

  "Gotcha!" isn’t 2020’s only spiritual successor to excellent early work, either. In 2013, Yoko Kuno produced the video "Airy Me" as part of a graduate assignment. Set to a song by Cuushe, it’s a hallucinatory epic that’s both starkly horrifying and bittersweet. In the years since, Yoko Kuno’s made a name for herself across several mediums — winning the New Face Award for her manga work at Japan Media Arts Festival, serving as a pinch hitter on Orange’s production of Land of the Lustrous and contributing a memorable sequence to Beastars. She returned this year with filmmaker Tao Tajima to produce another sequence scored to Cuushe’s music, Magic. Riffing on Airy Me's themes of bodily transformation and human ennui, it sets the action against real photographic landscapes. It's another haunting masterwork by one of anime’s most multitalented young artists and has been on repeat for me since it came up on my Twitter feed.  

  Image via FLAU

  Meanwhile, the Japanese vocalist Eve continues to commission new and excellent animated work based on his songs. This May saw the release of "How to Eat Life," a video by indie animator Mariyasu which repurposes Eve’s unique symbology of surly adolescents and freaky puppet monsters into a stylish and spooky carnival of carnivorism. It’s an excellent piece that stands tall among the work collected under Eve’s banner, many of which are stone-cold classics themselves. But "Promise," released at the end of this October, threatens to outdo them all. Directed by Ken Yamamoto and produced at Cloverworks, it plays as another greatest hits compilation of Eve’s works — broken promises, collapsing cityscapes, creatures powered by feeling that shake the earth with their footsteps. There’s a real visceral punch to it that beats out even its excellent predecessors. When the protagonist folds over himself in anguish, you feel it in your gut. When he steps deep into the water and the entire world around him is shredded into pieces, anyone who’s ever been a teenager knows exactly how that feels. When his friend reaches in and pulls him out of that water, that’s real joy rising like bubbles through your veins.

  Image via Eve

  Ken Yamamoto’s a bit more mainstream than Mariyasu — just last year he contributed some face-melting action sequences to Fate/Grand Order Absolute Demonic Front: Babylonia. But it says something to me that "Promise" — maybe his best work yet — was released as a music video rather than a new TV series. He’s not alone, either.  This August, the animator China (storyboarder for Encouragement of Climb’s third season) together with character designer Mooang (storyboarder for Sarazanmai) produced the music video "Sore wo Ai to Yobu dake." Like the reverse of Yamamoto’s "Promise," it’s the story not of a pair of teenage boys and their separation that devastates a cityscape — but of a pair of teenage girls who reach across time to recover the bond they shared in their high school days. A potent combination of FLCL-style faded nostalgia, careful attention to body language, and pure patented kids-falling-through-the-sky-while-frantically-reaching-for-each-other anime magic, it’s one of the best-animated sequences of this year. I’ve linked it to friends just to plead “Watch this thing!” And it ends in less than four minutes long.

  Image via Mafumafu

  I can’t help but think: Where is China and Moaang’s movie project? Where is Ken Yamamoto’s TV series? Why is it that Rie Matsumoto has produced two excellent music videos over the past two years that commemorate big franchises, but her rumored film project has yet to lift off? Perhaps the truth is that there isn’t room anymore in the TV anime industry for work like this. Many original projects seem to be tied to cellphone games or stage productions. Projects like Decadence are few and far between, and even those that exist play within a space already laid out by past successes. It’s not all bad, of course — Eizouken this year was a great example of an adaptation working in harmony with its source material. And we’ve seen studios like Orange employ weirder anime creators like Yoko Kuno or the stop-motion team dwarf to great effect in their projects. But perhaps animated music videos represent the future for artists like Matsumoto — a medium that pays well, rewards experimentation, and lets strong artists play around without having to dilute their style. A bite-sized format just outside of the soul-draining churn that defines the industry.

  Maybe this is fine, though. Short-form work is just as worthy of admiration as long-form work. I’d love feature-length projects from Ken Yamamoto or China, and I’d love for the world to see another Rie Matsumoto story told on a grand scale. But I can’t deny that Matsumoto rocks at putting together fantastic music videos and that I might even prefer the concise flow of "Gotcha!" to her TV series output. Either way, in this historically difficult year, I’m grateful to these folks for turning in career-best work and giving me hope for the future.

  Do you have a favorite animated music video? At the risk of getting off track, do you have a favorite anime music video? Do you still watch different fan edits of Hatsune Miku and wowaka's "Rolling Girl" on rotation, like I do? Let me know in the comments!

      Adam W is a Features Writer at Crunchyroll. When he isn't rewatching his favorite anime OPs over and over, he sporadically contributes with a loose coalition of friends to a blog called Isn't it Electrifying? You can find him on Twitter at: @wendeego

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Adam Wescott

[mrs-dragneel-stark-solo]

Unforseen Chasm

Part 1 of Unforseen Chasm

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count: 2191 Warnings: Language, Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93​ what was first a simple "what if" moment turned into a two year writing session and I've never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

___________

Once in a lifetime, and sometimes not even then, people meet someone who can be described as their better half. The person who knows them better than anyone. The person who completes them. Sometimes it can be found in a lover, or a sibling, or sometimes...once in a blue moon, it can be found in just a friend -- a stranger you cross paths with one day. A stranger that eventually means more to you than anyone else in the world. 

That’s how it was for you and Shannon. 

It was freshman year of college when she walked into your life. The two of you were set together as roommates. She had a touch of pluckiness to her, drive that you’d never witnessed, intelligence that rivaled yours, and a take no shit attitude. 

Of course, she was shy at first, so were you. But within just a few minutes, you realized that you two were destined to be best friends. Her major lied in anatomical mutation and molecular engineering with a minor in foreign language. Meanwhile, you majored in physics and engineering, minoring in Norse mythology. 

Shannon definitely teased you for that. She wondered why or how you would ever need that, but your reasoning was simply that you enjoyed it. If you were going to spend thousands upon thousands studying something for a career for the rest of your life, the least you could do was study one thing that was a little different that fascinated you, even if was just for four years. 

Your areas of study may have overlapped, but your upbringing didn’t. Shannon had parents, who loved her, and according to her “sent her to a prestigious academy to refine all skills”. And you saw these skills in the way she moved, talked, carried herself, and focused her skills. She was all things a lady should be. In fact, she did so well in this so called “Red Room”, that Howard Stark (founder of Stark Industries) caught wind of her accomplishments and decided to invest further in her. He gave her a full ride scholarship to any college she wanted, to study whatever she wanted. He thought maybe, one day, she might be of use to his son Tony. 

In fact, they became good friends too. Tony and Shannon, that is. He was a few years older than her, but he helped her with her work, and became curious as to why Shannon was always hanging around his dad’s company. It didn’t take a genius to see why Shannon was selected -- she was elite, one of a kind. 

You on the other hand, you were the nerd. The little bit dorky type. All you ever really loved was science, math, technology. You were raised by foster parents, but they weren’t the greatest. They didn’t ever give you any attention past making sure the foster money cleared for you. The only person you had was Remy, another boy that lived in the foster family with you. Kids were in and out of that house for years, but you and Remy seemed to stay, that is, until you left for college. College was where you met Shannon and her family, and ever since then, Shannon’s family was now your family, making you far closer to Shannon than you’d ever been to anyone besides Remy. You went to her house for holidays, even met with Tony a handful of times. 

Once the two of you graduated college and decided on grad school, you didn’t want to separate. Four years of living together had made you two almost inseparable. Not wanting to lose each other just yet, you grabbed an apartment only thirty minutes away from your graduate school. Graduate school was surprisingly a breeze, and when you completed it, the two of you moved into a studio apartment together. 

After being best friends for nearly a decade, you got a dog together, both of you animal lovers and you thought it might add some more character to your home. And he certainly did. 

While the both of you, yes, were involved in STEM, for the most part, your paths slightly diverged.

After graduation from graduate school for both of you, Tony Stark offered a job to Shannon at his company as his assistant. She would help oversee nearly every operation, invention, gizmo, gadget. All of it, would be under her supervision. Through this, she became good friends with Dr. Bruce Banner, and Tony, being at the labs day in and day out with them. 

It was actually in those labs that her… well… accident happened. A lab malfunction caused a chemical gas to react with her molecular structure causing a strange reaction. By strange you meant, well, unusual. She developed a mutation, but not like a third eye, or another pinky. No, she gained the ability to manipulate the weather and drain people of their powers. It was the most magnificent thing to watch. She accidentally discovered her powers at home, in the kitchen, and you witnessed it, but you swore yourself to secrecy for her. You could never hurt her and betray her like that. 

Tony knew, of course, because he had to help her figure out what was wrong with her. And Bruce was an expert in lab experiments gone wrong. Between those two helping her control her powers, and your emotional support, she was just like a normal person -- until you pissed her off. 

Just another crowning jewel on an already nearly perfect woman. She was the epitome of a femme fatale -- beautiful, genius, deadly, and powerful beyond human strength. 

As for you? Your work placed you in the field. Your physics took you to some crazy locations and you picked up work wherever you could find it. You loved physics, you were good at it, damned good. But you weren’t winning Nobel prizes, you weren’t heading huge projects for Stark Industries, you weren’t getting offers from MIT for research. No, you were scrounging for contract jobs, for little pick me ups with NASA. It wasn’t that you didn’t like it, or that you were desperate for work. People knew of your work, you spoke at conferences, you were in high demand. 

But by your dumb luck, it wasn’t you that ended up with the glitz, glam, and glory that came from working for Stark. 

For the last few months you’d been in the field with Jane Foster - a highly respected physicist -- with barely any funding. The two of you could barely split the research grant you’d been given and you had to hire an intern. You were all the way out in New Mexico while Shannon was still in NYC, living the dream. You missed her like crazy, but this work you were doing was important… At least that's what you kept telling yourself…

____________

Jane and you had set up camp in Small Town, New Mexico, you’d been out here for a few weeks now. There were these strange atmospheric phenomenon that were going on that Jane felt were connected to the research the two of you were involved with. She called Dr. Selvig out to study it with you two, seeing as he was a pioneer in this field. 

Just before you all headed out to the site, you decided to give Shannon a call, a strong case of homesickness hitting you. 

You propped open your laptop and selected her contact and called. The familiar ring only went through twice before her wonderful face filled the screen. 

Y/N! Hey!” she greeted delightfully. 

“Hey!” 

She stepped away from the computer and back to her workbench in Tony’s lab -- a very familiar sight to you. 

“What’s up?” 

“Just missing you. We’re about to go study that aurora again tonight, but Selvig is here now, so it’ll be another set of eyes,” you explained. 

“Ah, yes, the light in the sky. Any headway on that?” 

“None. Hopefully he’ll have some insight because I’m growing tired of staring at clouds each night. I’m not out here to be a storm chaser…” 

“What’s this about storm chasing?” Tony suddenly said, entering your field of view. 

“Hey, Tony,” you greeted in a friendly tone. 

“Why don’t you ditch the desert and come to a real lab?” he asked as he walked backwards, looking at the camera before spinning to stand next to Shannon and work on the tool she was soldering. “You could have unlimited technology here. I could really use someone with your expertise on physics when it comes to landing gear for my suit. What do you say, Y/N? A real job, in air conditioning, not out in the dirt…?”

“Tempting,” you said with a smirk. “But I’m gonna stick to real work for now.”

“Did she just insinuate I don’t do real work?” Tony asked Shannon, pretending to be offended. She merely rolled her eyes and laughed, shaking her head. 

“You two…”  she lovingly chided. “When are you going to come home? I miss you. I need your world famous tacos.”

You laughed. “My tacos are trash and you know it.”

She returned the laugh before becoming serious again. “Seriously though. When? Things aren’t the same without you.”

You sighed, wondering the same thing. “I don’t know. I’m trying to get all this data, but since we have to wait every night… There’s no telling.” 

“Well work hard,” she requested, sadness but understanding in her voice. 

“I’m trying.”

“Seriously. Y/N, pick up the pace, I can’t take another week of this. She is killing the morale,” Tony remarked, gesturing to her with a tool. 

“Okay, Tony, for you, I’ll try,” you said with heavy sarcasm, making the two of them smile. “Oh, shit, gotta go. Time to go watch the sky give me some pretty colors.” You rolled your eyes and told them goodbye before signing off of your laptop. 

The four of you set off about twenty miles west from your little lab in the middle of town. You sat out there for several minutes, nothing happening. Selvig started to question Jane and you, and Darcy was getting restless. Jane was pleading that he just hold on a few more minutes. Finally, Darcy saw something and drew your attention to it. 

This was no subtle aurora. This was… something else. 

Jane ordered Darcy to drive, and all of you launched back into the camper full of equipment, bumping and knocking things as you went over the rough terrain of the desert. Darcy was pushing the camper to full speed, zooming towards the odd light in the sky when suddenly a funnel of light and wind swirled toward the ground. Jane was filming it all and you were taking in what you could. 

Just as you were about to go through the tornado-like event, Darcy cut away from it.

“Darcy!” you shouted, needing to get inside this event.

“I’m not dying for six college credits!” she yelled before Jane tried to take the wheel from her. 

The two of them fought over the steering wheel for a few seconds before -- THUD. You hit something… actually, you think it was someone. Darcy slammed on the brakes and all of you jumped out of the camper. 

You ran over to a man lying on the ground as Jane said, “Do me a favor and don’t be dead.”

“I think legally that was your fault!” Darcy called.

“Get the first aid kit,” you commanded as you kneeled beside him. You grabbed his wrist and felt for a pulse -- there was a strong one, good. Next you looked at his face to examine any damage -- but before you could do that, you were taken aback by his beauty. He was… handsome, very handsome. Then he opened his eyes. 

He jumped up, muttering and stumbling around. Jane noticed the markings on the ground, and you saw them too, and they should’ve been important to you, but right now all you could focus on was this stranger. 

“Hammer...Hammer!” he suddenly yelled. 

“Yeah we can tell you’re hammered, that’s pretty obvious,” Darcy noted. 

Jane began trying to note the markings on the ground, telling Erik to look at them, but he was telling her they needed to get this stranger to a hospital. Your mind wasn’t exactly focused on either thing as you watched him. There was something… familiar about him, but you were sure you’d never seen him before in your life. 

“Father! Heimdall! I know you can hear me! Open the Bifrost!” the man commanded, making your hair stand on end. 

“Bifrost,” you muttered inaudibly. You’d heard that a lot. Actually you’d heard that in Norse mythology. Clearly this man was delusional and thought he was some Viking God…

“You! What Realm is this? Alfheim? Nornheim?” the man asked of Darcy. 

“New Mexico?” 

She pulled out her taser and aimed it at him. “Darcy, no!” you demanded. 

“You dare threaten me, Thor, with so puny of a weapon?!” 

She pulled the trigger and he dropped, just as a mortal man would, making some of your suspicion (and hope) fizzle out. Of course gods weren’t real, that was just silly. 

Tag list:

@reigningqueenofwords​

@cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you 

@winchester-writes​ 

@winchesterenthusiast​

 @georgialouisea​

 @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog​ 

@dammit-stark​ 

@livelikeawinchester​

 @sammysbuttcheek​

 @bran2015

 @misz-adrii​ 

@sandlee44​

 @womanxofletters​

 @natsuccs​

 @childishhoebinoo​

  @depressed-moose-78

 @oldfreakything​

@expecteddifferent​

​ @girl-next-door-writes​​ 

@fanaticfanfiction​​

 @dakotapaigelove​​ 

@sassy-spn-knight-of-hell​​

[imagitory]

D-Views: Mary Poppins

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another installment of D-Views, my on-going written review series where I dive into and analyze movies from Disney’s extensive film library, and even occasionally those influenced by that library. For other reviews in the series for movies such as Frozen, Enchanted, The Little Mermaid, and Lacewood Productions’ The Nutcracker Prince, feel free to consult the “Disney Reviews” tag! And as always, if you enjoy any of my reviews, please consider liking and reblogging them!

Today, thanks to the votes cast by @karalora, @banana-9-pancakes, and @aceyanaheim, we’ll be looking at the story of a magical woman -- one who is prim, proper, and practically perfect in every way...Mary Poppins!

Production-wise Mary Poppins is in some ways the culmination of everything Walt Disney learned in his thirty-year-long film-making career. It adapted a classic, whimsical story as an charming, emotion-heavy screenplay, like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs -- it featured a fresh-faced, but extremely talented young singer in the title role, like Sleeping Beauty -- it seamlessly combined animation with live action, like Song of the South -- it had state-of-the-art special effects, like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea -- and it featured music by two songwriters who later went on to write Disney film scores for decades. But all of that started with a tiny, little spark. As a little girl, Walt’s daughter Diane had started reading the Mary Poppins books, and when Walt read along with her, he was absolutely enchanted by them and knew he wanted to adapt the stories for the silver screen. All the way back in 1938, one year after the release of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Uncle Walt had his first meeting with Mary Poppins’s creator, P.L. Travers, but as anyone who has seen Saving Mr. Banks knows, the two did not see eye to eye. Uncle Walt spent the next twenty years trying to convince Travers to give him the rights to her stories, but unlike in the film where they had a sincere meeting of the minds, Travers recalled their final meeting where she gave him the rights as being more like Walt “holding up a gold pocket watch and dangling it tantalizingly in front of [her] eyes.” Admittedly one factor in the situation was that Travers herself had been having some financial trouble, and Uncle Walt’s payment for the rights to her books, as well as a portion of the gross profits for a film adaptation, was a boost that Travers severely needed. Despite the rights being given to Disney, however, Travers retained script approval rights, and for the next few years of production, she had quite a few complaints about the product. Even at the premiere of the film -- which, incredibly, she had not originally been invited to until she shamed a Disney executive into action -- Travers was very vocal about how much she disliked the film. The animation, done by some of the best in the business? Had to go. The story, which created such memorable and likable characters? Lacked teeth. The score written by the young Sherman brothers, who later went on to win awards for both Poppins and their other works? Left her cold.

Now, here’s the thing...do I agree with Ms. Travers? No. Do I like her as a person? No -- one would be hard-pressed to really admire a woman who decided to adopt half of a pair of twins from a poor family, raise the boy thinking he was her biological son, and then try to prevent her son from seeing his twin when the twin came to see him. (Yes, she really did that.) Do I think she was a malcontent who probably wouldn’t have been satisfied with anything? Absolutely. But at the same time, I must acknowledge, as a writer myself, it can be very difficult to share your creations with others. It can be hard even letting others read your works, given how personal and emotionally resonant the things you create often end up being, but it’s even harder letting others add onto your work. In a way, it’s like giving your child to a babysitter, except that unlike babysitters, most filmmakers who aim to adapt books don’t have a great track record in respecting the author or their vision. And in regards to Walt Disney specifically, his studio has never exactly been very interested in “staying true to the original story” -- the Walt Disney Company adapts the heck out of anything it touches. Even more modern Disney projects based on books like Ella Enchanted and Tuck Everlasting are great examples of this (if you’d like to delve into those films as adaptations, please look up Dominic Smith/The Dom’s wonderful Lost in Adaptation episodes for them -- they’re both fabulous!!). And in a way, Travers never saw her magical nanny as something light and cheerful -- this was an immortal woman who in later books once took the Banks children up into the Heavens on Midsummer’s Eve. Like the famous 1939 film adaptation of L. Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, there was definitely some dry wit and edge lost in translation from book to screen...and just like with The Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins the film has largely taken the place of the original novels in the public consciousness.

But you know something? For what it’s worth...I think that, just like The Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins succeeds in being a well-written, well-directed, well-performed, classic film, even if it’s so different than the book it was inspired by. And honestly, the world seems to agree. Mary Poppins grossed over $28.5 million at the box office, making it the most profitable film of 1965, and completely won over both critics and audiences alike. Even now at Rotten Tomatoes, it still boasts a rare 100% Fresh rating. It was nominated for 13 Academy Awards and won five (including Best Picture, which made it the first and only film Walt ever produced to win that honor) and also earned both a Golden Globe and two Grammys. Not only that, but the profits for the film were so high that they helped Uncle Walt fund his “Florida project,” which would eventually become Walt Disney World Resort. Mary Poppins later went on to inspire both a Broadway musical and a sequel, Mary Poppins Returns, and even today you can still meet both Mary Poppins and Bert in the Disney theme parks. So yes, “I recognize Ms. Travers had her opinion, but given that it is a stupid-ass opinion, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

PFFT, I’M KIDDING, ONLY KIDDING. Let’s talk about Mary Poppins.

Perhaps it’s appropriate that from the very beginning, the overture embraces us with the melody that will become the story’s main theme, Feed the Birds. The overture, like all the best Sherman brother overtures for films like Bedknobs and Broomsticks and The Sword in the Stone, is just a smooth, glamorous kaleidoscope of music. I also have to applaud the special effects team right off the bat with their overlaying of Julie Andrews as Mary onto the mat painting of London underneath our opening credits -- even now, when one can more easily guess how the trick worked, it’s still rather neatly done.

In this opening sequence, we also meet Bert, played by Dick van Dyke. The character of Bert was actually a compilation of several figures from the books, but that results in a very interesting, almost transient sort of character. This cheery, optimistic Jack of All Trades may have an accent that wouldn’t convince anyone, but is nonetheless unbelievably charming, and van Dyke’s physical comedy is so ridiculously on point. My mum and I have had a soft spot for Dick van Dyke for a long time because my late grandfather, although he was quite a bit older, resembled him quite a bit not just in appearance but also in attitude. Even now I look at Bert and fondly remember going to see the Broadway production of Mary Poppins with my grandparents, who ended up loving it and its music just as much as I did. It all the more makes me lament the end of the Soundsational Parade at Disneyland, which always concluded with a Mary-Poppins-inspired float covered in chimney sweeps and merry-go-round horses, one of which was ridden by Bert.

One of the changes that Ms. Travers was most disdainful of was the idea that the Banks family -- especially Mr. Banks -- had flaws that needed to be addressed and fixed by Mary Poppins. The flaw in the parents’ case is that they’re so focused on their own work and goals that they neglect their children’s emotional needs -- a plot point that would eventually get beaten into the ground in films that came later, but is not done half bad here. After all, the film doesn’t try to frame Mr. Banks’s job or Mrs. Banks’s activism as unimportant or bad in any way -- it’s just that the parents are solely focusing on those things. Mrs. Banks’s activism in particular, which is something that doesn’t appear either in the books or in the Broadway production, is something I really like. Sister Suffragette, which actually helped bring Glynis Johns on board to play Mrs. Banks, is just such a ridiculously fun song to sing. Although I wouldn’t ever say it’s the best song in the film by a mile, it’s still insanely catchy and entertaining, and I sing along to it every single time. WOMANKIND, ARISE!

David Tomlinson, who plays Mr. Banks, is easily the weakest link singing-wise, but fortunately he gives an acting performance that more than compensates for his poor vocals. From the very beginning, he comes across as incredibly pompous, self-centered, detached, and sexist, and yet he’s never shown to be an inherently bad person. He can be very cheerful, and even the way he’s framed makes it clear that a lot of his bluster is a front for his actual feelings, such as the way he falters when he realizes that Katie Nana has left the family. In the wrong hands, this role could’ve been despicable and shallow, but Tomlison handles it carefully enough that one can always see the emotion and suppressed softness in his eyes even long before he has his change of heart.

After an excellently paced entrance that involves effortlessly blowing away the line of nannies outside 17 Cherry Tree Lane, we are finally fully introduced to the magical lady herself, Mary Poppins. It is unbelievable when you remember that this was Julie Andrews’s first film role ever -- she’d previously only been a stage actress, but after finding success in both My Fair Lady and Camelot on stage and being denied the role of Eliza Doolittle in the film adaptation of My Fair Lady (which was later given to Audrey Hepburn), Julie accepted the role of Mary Poppins. Interestingly Julie was the only actor in the movie that P.L. Travers actually expressed some approval for, and honestly, I don’t blame her -- Julie is just flawlessly cast here. The role combines all of her performing strengths -- a great singing voice, expert dancing, inherent charm, sophistication, intelligence, pride, grace, and a touch of sass -- together in a cohesive, memorable character. Mary’s first song, A Spoonful of Sugar, really showcases Julie in her prime, spotlighting her flawless falsetto and precise pitch (as well as her impeccable whistling), and beautifully accompanies some of the at-the-time-revolutionary special effects. Although yes, it’s easy in the modern day to see how the effects were done, they’re never out-of-place or distracting, which is a testament to how much better practical effects can sometimes age in comparison to computer-generated effects. The things that tend to stick out most to my eyes are the green-screened stuff, simply because of how much that particular technique has been used in film and television since Mary Poppins’s release, but the nice thing is that it’s only one of many effects used, which helps in distracting the eye away from getting too used to one effect. Sometimes the effect will be stop-motion; sometimes the effect will be reversing the film; sometimes it’ll be green screen; sometimes it’ll be combining separate shots together. It makes it so that you would have to watch every scene several times and very carefully in order to pick out specific techniques, rather than just being able to go, “That’s fake, that’s fake, aaaaand...that’s fake,” the way you can while watching movies using only CGI.

Speaking of special effects, we have to talk about the sequence that made P.L. Travers the most upset -- the Jolly Holiday segment, set in an animated, living chalk drawing. Not only is the song just excellent, but the colors and energy of the piece are...well, practically perfect! It only serves to plus a song that was already pretty great and turns it into something amazing. Something else I like about Mary and Bert that I actually have to thank P. L. Travers herself for is that they are not romantically involved. Ms. Travers specifically indicated that that should be the case, and for a film made in the 60′s when male and female characters were almost always neatly paired off, it’s really neat that the two characters, despite some faintly teasing, flirty affects, never act like a couple. And really, having had both male and female friends since I was a kid, I really enjoyed seeing an attractive leading woman and man as friends. On the note of Mary, Bert, and songs I love singing along to, I would be very, very amiss if I didn’t also bring up Supercalifragalisticexpeliadocious. It’s really a very short number, but packed into it is so much energy that it feels like it never takes a breath. It’s like a sugar buzz, written into song form -- exuberant and big and loud and energetic...at least until the inevitable decrescendo as the rain wears away Bert’s chalk drawing and Mary, Bert, and the Banks children sadly return to the real world.

Our next adventure with Mary takes us to dear old Uncle Albert’s, where the aforementioned uncle, played by Mad-Hatter-voice-actor Ed Wynn, is rolling in the air laughing. This scene in particular showcases the various practical effects used in the film, whether hanging the actors on wires, putting them on one side of a seesaw, or even flipping the entire set on its side or upside down. Admittedly it’s very obvious that Katie Dotrice and Matthew Garber, who play Jane and Michael Banks, are having a harder time laughing convincingly than Dick van Dyke and Ed Wynn, which honestly is unsurprising given how many times they had to film this particular scene so as to get different shots. One story from the set of this film centers around Matthew Garber, after getting tired of recording the scene, receiving a nickle every time he had to go back onto the wires and in the end earning an “absolute fortune.” For child actors, Katie and Matthew aren’t awful, but it’s fortunate that they’re almost never the sole focus of a scene, as the more talented adult actors understandably overshadow them. And before you try to tell me it’s unfair to hold child actors to the same standards as adult actors, I grant that that’s true, but child actors can still give good performances that make them stand out as individuals...take Georgie Henley in The Chronicles of Narnia or Kirsten Dunst in Interview with a Vampire, for example. And as much as I’ll give Katie Dotrice and Matthew Garber credit for their performances, neither of them quite stands out that way. It’s admittedly a little harder for me to be that critical of Matthew’s performance, though, given that ten years after he retired from acting, he sadly passed away of pancreatitis at the age of 21. It’s very fortunate that thanks to his performance in Mary Poppins, Matthew will be remembered fondly for generations to come.

Walt Disney’s favorite song is frequently cited as Feed the Birds, and honestly, it’s little wonder why. As I touched on earlier, the song sort of sums up what the film Mary Poppins is trying to say -- that the smallest, seemingly insignificant gestures can mean so much. And isn’t that so integral to Disney, or even movies and entertainment in general? We all know of a character in a movie or TV show -- a line in a book -- a song someone wrote -- a simple smile from a stranger -- that somehow brightened up our whole world, that inspired us in ways we could never have imagined. And all of that comes back to sincere, gentle feelings, and how we can share those feelings with others. Mary Poppins, in short, is about compassion...and isn’t it little wonder why such a message resonated with so many people?

After an absolutely disastrous visit to the bank, the Banks children run out into the streets of London alone, where they’re fortunately found and walked home by Bert. Accompanying the jaunt back to Cherry Tree Lane is the Academy-Award-winning song Chim Chim Cheree, which is definitely catchy and, if I may say so, very fun to whistle. I admittedly am a little sour with Mrs. Banks that she doesn’t get a bit of a reality check when she ends up choosing to leave Michael and Jane alone with someone who’s effectively a stranger to her to go help her suffragette friends. It’s just fortunate that the “stranger” ends up being Bert and that Mary Poppins ends up coming back despite it being her day off, as otherwise Mrs. Banks’s negligent parenting could’ve had serious consequences. But the leap in logic does end up leading us into one of the best parts of the movie -- Step in Time!

Step in time, step in time, come on, matey, step in time! Hahaha, yes, this sequence easily has some of the best dancing ever recorded on film, right up there with the choreography in West Side Story and Singin’ in the Rain. It’s especially remarkable when you know that prior to Mary Poppins, Dick van Dyke had had no formal dance training, and yet he keeps up seemingly with ease with dozens of professional dancers. It blows me away every time. And despite the unending repetition of the song, it miraculously never becomes annoying due to the variety of the dance breaks and the high level of energy with which it’s performed. And really, despite the insane length of the song (it running over eight minutes all together), it amazingly never feels like padding. Perhaps it’s because the talent on screen is just so on display and integrated so perfectly with the building orchestrations and well-chosen special effects that it only serves to plus the musical action more and more and more until it finally culminates in the chimney sweeps escaping down the Banks family’s chimney and dancing off into the street.

As fun as everything has been with Mary Poppins and the chimney sweeps, however, Mr. Banks is now in danger of losing his job at the bank, and Tomlinson’s talent is made very evident once again in how, even after seeing all of his character’s mistakes and faults, we still feel very sorry for both him and for his family. Mr. Banks at first feels the impulse to blame Mary Poppins for his change in circumstances, but thanks to some pointed guidance from Bert and some compassion from his children, he comes to see the cracks in the foundation of his world view. And this goes back to the entire family needing help -- Mr. Banks is a very, very flawed man, but at the same time, as Bert brought up to Jane and Michael, he feels he has to handle absolutely everything on his own, and it’s largely thanks to the support of his children that he’s able to face the threat of losing his job with his head held high. Something I love a lot about the part where Mr. Banks makes his way to the bank alone is the Feed the Birds instrumental that accompanies his walk and that comes to a head when Mr. Banks reaches St. Paul’s, only to see the bird woman no longer there. Whether you choose to read it as the bird woman simply having left or having died or whatever else, it’s clear that every opportunity for charity and kindness we are offered is fleeting. Compassion is and will never be a passive thing.

Fortunately everything turns out for the best. Mr. Banks makes up with his children and he, Michael, Jane, and Mrs. Banks go fly a brand new kite in the park, alongside the film’s final song Let’s Go Fly a Kite. Mr. Banks even ends up getting his job back thanks to a joke that he told Dawes, Sr. the night we sacked. Even despite the cheer, however, it doesn’t feel completely saccharine and lacking of substance to me because Mary Poppins does still leave in the end. She doesn’t achieve the same kind of happy ending that she gave the Banks family -- instead she simply takes off into the air, presumably to give some other family help, with a faintly sad smile on her face. It’s remarkably mature of an ending for something that P.L. Travers thought was “all fantasy and no magic.”

Mary Poppins is not that much like the Mary Poppins books originally written by P. L. Travers. Perhaps at some points it sanitizes or misses out on what inspired Ms. Travers to write the books in the first place...but for all that is lost, I’m confident in saying that a lot was also found. There is a lot of heart in this movie, from a family growing and improving through the intervention of a wise, magical woman to finding deeper meaning in the seemingly insignificant things in our everyday lives. This movie is ridiculously fun to watch, but it’s not like the book Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, where there was never supposed to be a point and it was just there to entertain children. There are lessons one can learn here, and they’re not heavy-handed or pretentious in their delivery. One can learn the value of a sunny disposition, resilience, and empathy in less than stellar circumstances and see how a family full of love is the wealthiest and luckiest of all. And the best part? Those are lessons that both children and adults could stand to learn and re-learn through watching this movie for many, many years to come. Mary Poppins is an immortal figure, and even if this film was made by human hands and so couldn’t possible recreate P. L. Travers’s vision of her, the film is just as eternally relevant itself.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

My favourite Charmed episodes - season 2

This is the second part to my Favourite Charmed Episodes meta series all posts in the series will be tagged as #favecharmedeps.

Season 2 overall is a good season and follows on from the first season very well. When I was younger I particularly loved this season, but the older I’ve got and the more I’ve re-watched the show, the less I’ve come to like it, mostly because it has so many poor episodes that I really don’t like such as The Devil’s Music, That Old Black Magic, They’re Everywhere, How to Make a Quilt out of Americans and Ex Libris. However, there’s one thing Charmed does well which we particularly get to see in this season and that’s character development. Prue quits her job at Bucklands to pursue her dream of being a photographer; Piper opens P3 and goes through a period of conflict with Dan and Leo; Phoebe goes back to college to find a new pathway in her life, and these are just the most significant developmental changes the sisters go through. This season builds upon the sisters established personalities and roles within the trio from season 1, but fleshes it out more and shows the sisters grow as women, witches and sisters to be more powerful, equal and happy. Just like for season 1, there are 5 episodes that I have selected from season 2 as being my favourites (by the way, this wasn’t deliberate, it was a total coincidence!) - P3 H20, Ms. Hellfire, Pardon my Past, Chick Flick and Astral Monkey.

P3 H20 (2x08)

Any episode that taps into the Halliwell family and heavily involves Patty tends to be one of my favourites. P3 H20 is and always has been one of my all time favourite episodes (just like That 70s Episode) because it explores the sisters unresolved grief and trauma regarding Patty’s death. Honestly, I love pretty much everything about this episode - the way it hammers into Patty’s past, her relationship with Sam, Piper and Leo’s relationship, the sisters’ development and even the tone of the whole episode.

It digs into Prue’s lingering trauma over Patty’s death, and shows us for the first (and only time) that Prue actually witnessed Patty lying dead on the dock and being carried away in a body bag shortly after she died, which explains a little more why Prue is more traumatised by her death than Piper and Phoebe. We also see her fears of becoming Patty in one of my favourite Prue scenes ever (x) and see her having to overcome those fears head-on when she has to literally recreate her mother’s final moments. This episode is so important for Prue’s development, not just in realising that she’s not Patty and not doomed to follow in her footsteps (although ironically she does die young. Again this episode can be perceived as a foreshadowing of Prue’s death, which is so weird since I’m sure at this point there were still no plans to kill her off). It was also important in regards to properly introducing Prue to Jack (who is an important influence on her in season 2) and reaffirming that no matter how difficult it is to juggle her personal life, being a witch and her career, she’s still damn good at her job (x).

Piper’s development in this episode is centred on her relationship with Leo and the triangle she’s involved in with Dan. Despite hating the triangle (like nearly every other Charmed fan on the planet), this episode did portray it in a good way and setting Patty and Sam’s relationship up to contrast against Piper and Leo’s is very effective. We get to see Piper’s internal conflict over her feelings for Leo and understand them in a new light through Patty’s letters, which convey all of the unspoken emotions that Piper and Leo feel. This is the point at which Piper and Leo really get that angst down (which is pretty hard for them since they’re the least angsty couple I’ve ever seen) and you genuinely feel that mutual pining, but feel that they can’t be together.

Similar to That 70s Episode, Phoebe is able to be brought closer to Patty in this episode, which is always significant for her because of all the sisters she’s the one that feels most distant from her because she was so young when Patty died. Phoebe gets to see the camp where Prue and Piper went as kids (and where Patty died), she gets to see Patty’s final moments which although is a horrible experience brings her closer to her mom in a sense and she gets pieces of Patty through her love letters to Sam which she makes a scrapbook of at the end of the episode.

Despite being a new character, the introduction of Sam in this episode works beautifully. Sam immediately feels familiar and like one of the family (which is particularly interesting since he’s actually Paige’s father) and he’s very sympathetic. The grief he feels at Patty’s loss and the blame he places upon himself is sad, and the way in which he sacrifices himself for the sisters is an act of selflessness which is very overlooked. He lived for decades and ignored the deaths that were happening at the lake, was completely passive because he wanted to remain detached but because it was the sisters - Patty’s daughters - he simply had to get involved and he gave his life for them. He even admitted that he stayed at the lake all those years because he knew the sisters would show up eventually and he couldn’t let what happened to Patty happen to them. Although Sam wasn’t Prue, Piper and Phoebe’s biological father, the love he had for Patty (and Paige, since canonically he would’ve known about her even if we didn’t) was enough for him to make that sacrifice. A sacrifice that led him to become a Whitelighter again.

Overall, I love everything about this episode and think all the different aspects come together beautifully to create a memorable episode that deals with loss, trauma, family and love, for all of the characters that are featured in the episode.

Ms Hellfire (2x09)

I love this episode, because it doesn’t take itself too seriously despite having serious themes incorporated throughout, and because it’s Prue-centric, of course. From the opening scenes this episode is great - the scene with the hit woman shooting up the house, Piper freezing the bullets and vase, Prue using her power to deflect the bullets, it’s just one of my favourite scenes. There’s also the big moment that Darryl finds out the sisters are witches, which is such a relief and a long time coming. But like I said, the reason I love this episode can be summed up in one word: Prue. It’s just so good to see her get out there and shake things up and get to play for a while. Bane is an interesting new love interest for her (even if it is only for a short while), they have great chemistry and it’s fun to see her cross over into blue!Prue territory for a while and indulge that id of hers. I also love that the episode ends with Jack showing up on her door and the two of them going out on a date, because it’s the perfect end to Prue’s arc in the episode. The whole episode affirms that Prue is on the start of a new path where she’s trying to embrace life a little more and break out of her all work and no play mentality.

Prue playing the role of Ms. Hellfire and the development of her astral projection power acts as a literal metaphor for that duality that lives within Prue (a theme that is emphasised time and time again throughout the series with Prue) and to show how difficult she finds it to constantly have to juggle the different aspects of her life and herself.

The scene near the end of the episode where Prue is enchanted to kill Piper and Phoebe is also a fantastic sister moment. Piper and Phoebe share memories from their childhood to wake Prue and hearing it is enough to break the spell and help Prue realise that they’re truly her sisters. It’s also worth noting that Prue’s greatest fear in this episode was no longer drowning - proving that she overcame that fear in From Fear to Eternity (and most likely P3 H2O too) - and that her greatest fear being to lose a sister very likely could’ve come from her opening herself up to them by saying ‘I love you’ back in From Fear to Eternity. This is because not saying ‘I love you’ was basically Prue’s defence mechanism - a way of her keeping Piper and Phoebe at an arms length so if they died it wouldn’t hurt as much as it did when Patty died.

All in all, this episode is basically every Prue stan’s wet dream - Prue gets a new power and gets to play Ms. Hellfire and wear those insane outfits, flirt with tall dark and handsome Bane and just generally let her hair down and have some fun for once. And of course, she kicks Barbas’ ass once again.

Pardon my Past (2x14)

I love this episode because of the time travel and costumes, but mostly the interesting arc Phoebe has. The idea of Phoebe having a dark side is a recurring theme throughout the series (much like Prue having multiple sides to her) and this episode digs deeper into that by exploring Phoebe’s past life.

What’s most interesting about this episode is Phoebe or rather past!Phoebe’s relationship with Anton which practically mirrors her relationship with Cole. Whether this was intentional from a writing perspective is unclear, but nonetheless the parallels are there. Anton is a tall, dark, handsome warlock who seduces Phoebe and lures her over to the dark side. It further establishes Phoebe’s attraction to the dark side and sets the foundation for Phoebe’s future relationship with Cole.

Much like Ms. Hellfire is where Prue gets to indulge for a while, that’s what this episode does for Phoebe. She gets to go back to the glamorous past and experience the attraction to the handsome Anton, and play with the active fire powers she has. It’s all an experience for Phoebe to have some fun for a while but also brings it back home with serious themes about identity, morality and good vs. evil. Like Is There a Woogy in the House? this episode affirms an important message about good and evil - that it’s not black and white, that one cannot exist without the other and that we all have both good and evil inside us. This struggle is really central to Phoebe’s character throughout the series, so this episode is a great exploration of that which traces the roots of that back to her past life.

Chick Flick (2x18)

There is one simple reason I love this episode - it’s FUN. Phoebe and Billy are cute as hell (plus Phoebe being in love with a fictional character is so relatable, am I right?), the sisters attempt at fighting off horror movie characters is hilarious (”I am being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower?!”), Piper and Leo are finally starting to get back on track and overall this episode doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s all just about the entertainment value and it works. Some of the most memorable scenes and iconic quotes are from this episode - Prue and Piper scaring each other in the bathroom, Prue telling Finley Beck some home truths “It’s devastating for me to realise that the brilliance of your eye is completely destroyed by the ignorance of your mouth” and “It’s the 21st century, it’s the woman’s job to save the day”. Like honestly, who doesn’t love this episode?

Astral Monkey (2x20)

This episode is one of those that I always remember because of the emotional impact it has on me every time I watch it. It’s a very dark episode (cute monkey’s with supernatural powers aside) which taps into humanity more so than any other episode, in my opinion. Watching Dr. Williamson’s deterioration throughout the episode and how corrupted he becomes by the power he has is devastating to watch. It serves as a reminder of how even good magic can be bad in the wrong people and also that the sisters aren’t always able to save their innocents. The sisters vanquish evil a lot, but this is really the first time we see them kill a human, who is technically an innocent victim. Dr. Williamson is a good person who dedicates his life to helping and saving lives, and he gets infected with magic through trying to discover a cure to a life threatening illness. The tragedy of what happens to him is very understated and it always sticks with me. Plus, seeing how deeply it affects Piper only adds to the impact it has. The final scene with her crying in her bedroom and Leo orbing in and holding her as she cries is one of the most powerful scenes in the series.

Thank you for reading! The next post will be about my favourite season 3 episodes which will probably be longer because season 3 is one of my favourite overall seasons. 

[eagle-eyez]

Shortly after the COVID-19 lockdown began, I found myself all alone in my Mumbai apartment. My roommates had all left, for some reason or the other, and it was just me. The first couple of weeks were easy, I was living my best life and channeling my inner Kevin McAllister with gleeful abandon, eating ice-cream in the middle of the day with not a care in the world. The next couple of weeks, however, were... difficult. There was a point at which my little 2BHK abode, which, on usual days, felt stifling and small, started to seem infinite. The walls began to loom over me, and the walk from the front door to my kitchen felt like a marathon.

I was slowly beginning to succumb to a strange brand of melancholy, the kind that only something like a global pandemic can bring about. In my desperation to exit this sinking quicksand feeling, I tried all sorts of distractions. I watched films that everyone had raved about, television shows that frequently featured on "Top 10 shows to watch if you're not an uncultured swine" lists, even going so far as to — and I shudder to say this out loud — listen to a podcast or two. None of that really worked, and my salvation would finally come whilst trawling through the bargain bin offers on the PlayStation store, in the shape of F1 2019.

Prior to this point, I'd never played an F1 game before, despite being an on-again, off-again fan of the actual sport. Also, my utter incompetence when it comes to racing games might have something to do with why I'd never dipped my toes into Codemasters' decades-long series. In fact, just minutes after booting up F1 2019, I was ready to quit. I was expecting a light, carefree racing experience, but instead, what I got was an ultra-serious, simulator-esque ordeal, with all manners of strange buttons and technical jargon being thrown my way. Despite this initial reluctance, I persevered, and over the next month or so, I obsessively played my way through pretty much everything the game had to offer, and in the process, somehow managed to stave off the lockdown blues (Just to make it clear, I'm not advocating for F1 2019 to replace any of the tools you would use to improve your mental health, please try therapy, it works wonders).

So of course, a year later, when the opportunity came to review the successor to the game that got me through the first few months of the pandemic, I lunged at it with both hands. After having played it for a week or so, I've come to the realisation that despite having sunk many, many hours of my life into this game, I have somehow not gotten any better. I might actually be worse at it than I was a year ago. The game, on the other hand, has improved significantly.

Gameplay and Graphics

While the gameplay of F1 2021 is not massively different from its predecessors, there are a few noteworthy additions that make it a more appealing and polished game than those that came before it. Chief among those is the addition of Braking Point, a "Drive to Survive"-inspired game mode that attempts to throw back the curtain and expose the seedy underbelly of a sport that features 20 millionaires driving around in circles really fast. We'll talk about Braking Point in detail a little later, but F1 2021 is not all about huge updates and big overhauls.

There have also been a number of smaller, more subtle improvements. For an inept hand like myself, the assists, in particular, were one improvement that stood out to me almost immediately. Having little green and red arrows to tell you when to brake and when to accelerate away is really useful, and while these features have been a part of the F1 series for a while now, you do have a slightly larger degree of control over them now.

The game also integrates the DualSense controller's ability to adjust the tension in the trigger buttons, but if you didn't know that before you started playing, you might not realise it at all. In fact, I only remembered that the game was supposed to use adaptive triggers when I was re-watching a teaser trailer that had come out in the build-up to the game's release. Turns out, there are different levels of sensitivity that you can apply to the triggers, and the effects of the default level are not very noticeable. Once I had amped it up a little, I really felt a lot of feedback from the controls, and it made racing a lot more enjoyable by adding a heightened level of tactile interaction.

When it comes to the graphics, there's been a marked improvement in quality, though I suspect that might have more to do with the capabilities of the PlayStation 5 than it has to do with the game itself. Opting to race in rainy conditions will dramatically transform the visuals, with the almost photorealistic soaked asphalt, crunchy gravel and overcast skies really adding to the immersive quality of the experience. In contrast, when racing on circuits like Bahrain, the swirling sand and bright, oppressive sunlight really replicate what it's like to be at that particular track, so much so that while playing the game, I was overcome with nostalgia, thinking back to when a 10-year-old me got a chance to watch the F1 at the Bahrain International Circuit.

Braking Point - The Star Attraction

In Braking Point, F1's new story-focused mode, you're given the opportunity to relive the experience of being a pimply lad in your 20s, trying to make it in a big bad world, through the lens of one Aiden Jackson. Jackson is a strong favourite to win the F2 title, and your first race as Aiden Jackson is the championship-winning season finale that propels you to a seat in Formula 1. Soon after, you're forced to come to grips with the fact that it's not all stars and sunshine in the big leagues, and that underneath the bells and whistles, there's a viciously competitive system that's out to get you.

Among the chief antagonists of this story are your vaguely older teammate Casper Akkerman (really, he could be either 28 or 50) who despises you for being a young hotshot talent, and a very charismatic rival Devon Butler, who just seems to appear out of thin air at the very worst moments possible to sow seeds of doubt in your mind.

Now, there's nothing particularly new or interesting about this storyline in and of itself. It does seem like a slightly plagiarised reincarnation of the Alex Hunter story from FIFA games of the past, even featuring almost identical motivations for the primary character and the antagonists. How it does improve on that, though, is in the execution.

Each character is fleshed out to just the right point, where we neither skim over their reasons for doing what they do, nor dive into their past in exhaustive detail. The interactions between characters, especially those told through the cutscenes, are all paced well, and at no point does the story feel like it's dragging. The only character whose backstory I wasn't fully satisfied with was Akkerman, whose past exploits on the circuit are mentioned only in passing, but it's not something that hampered my enjoyment of the story.

Speaking of Akkerman, another gameplay feature that I really enjoyed was that Braking Point allowed you to race as Akkerman in some races that had were more meaningful to his storyline than they perhaps were to the protagonist. This truly gives players an ability to walk a mile in someone else's shoes, and adds a further level of nuance to this story. It gives a sense of authenticity to the world that the game is trying to bring to your television screens.

This world is also expanded upon by little touches like the mails you get in your inbox, as well as a social media feed of sorts that you can view on your virtual phone. Some of these are quite intriguing, and often form little side stories of their own, over the course of several emails. A significant portion of the story is also told through the medium of telephones, with Aiden being constantly plagued by his mum and team liaison/mediator Brian Doyle.

I do have a couple of gripes about Braking Point. To begin with, since the cutscenes are so visually appealing and well-written, there are occasions outside the cutscenes in which the characters look a little like they've been possessed by a demon, with deadpan expressions and eyes that are cold and calculating. Now, if there's a murder mystery side plot in the pipeline, this is more than acceptable, but otherwise, it just takes away from the overall polish of the game. Secondly, Braking Point is short, even for a novice like me who needs four or five attempts to complete every race.

Career

The career mode allows you to play either as a racer (Driver mode), or as a racer/owner/manager (My Team mode) who juggles the responsibilities of being the man in charge in addition to having to race every weekend. You can play the career mode all by yourself, or, if you have a very, very patient friend, which I do not, you can play it in CO-OP mode, which allows you and your friend to play as teammates or rivals.

When you play the "My Team" version of career mode, you're given a much larger degree of control over the team, and you can dictate proceedings according to your wishes. I found it quite entertaining, both in terms of story and gameplay, and I got a real kick out of acting like the big boss man. It was a little daunting, however, and required a fair bit of googling on my part to understand the progression systems involved in levelling up your engines and gearboxes. Of course, I admittedly have a very superficial knowledge of such things, and someone who is more aware of the inner workings of the sport will likely love the technical side of it.

That's not me though. I'm no geek. I'm fast, I'm furious, and I live to race baby. Hmm, I feel like the 'baby' was a bit too much, but my point stands. I wasn't interested in the makeup of the car or in having to decide what gearbox I was going to use, I just want to smoke fools on the track, and playing the "Driver" mode is perfect for that. You can pick from any team on the F1 and F2 grids, and then compete over the course of a season, or even half a season, if you want. I started out with an F2 side, and found that the journey towards qualifying for the Formula 1 was pretty engaging.

Multiplayer

There are a number of ways in which you can experience the joy of multiplayer racing, from online sessions to local split-screen races. The online races work well enough, but it took me very long to find players to race against, with wait times of over five minutes on some occasions. Perhaps some of that can be attributed to this still being a very new game, and it will likely improve in due time. I also prefer racing with collisions turned off so that other racers are not tangible entities that can make physical contact with me. I personally feel like it's much less chaotic, and ensures you don't fly off the tracks/have your front wing fall off every time you hit someone, but it does also make the race a teeny tiny bit less entertaining.

The multiplayer mode in which I had the most fun, however, was the local split-screen multiplayer, in which you can face off against someone sitting right next to you. Over the course of the past week, my brother and I have waged war on several occasions, and I have emerged victorious on almost every occasion (I let him win one time out of the goodness of my heart).

Grand Prix/Time Trial

These two modes are essentially the most barebones modes available, and they allow players to quickly jump into action whenever they so desire, cutting out any and all semblance of story or plot. They're great for learning how the game works, and challenging yourself to better your previous performances time and time again, should you be so inclined. With the time trial mode, you can also experience every track that the game has to offer without having to complete all of them first.

TL;DR: F1 2021 is a must-have for fans of the genre, as it builds upon an already robust series with numerous upgrades. If you're looking for a more fun, light-hearted racing experience, however, this is probably not for you.

Game reviewed on PlayStation 5. Review code provided by the publisher.

source https://www.firstpost.com/tech/gaming/f1-2021-review-a-near-perfect-blend-of-significant-innovation-and-subtle-improvement-9828141.html

[flyingfoxofthedanube]

English translation of an interview with Egyházi Géza done by Kulisszak.hu. (2017. November 19) He talks about the upcoming show, We Will Rock You, his acting career, family and some other stuff.

Translated primarily for @edythe-von-krolock, @dostresseisdostres and @wildlingcorner, but I hope others enjoy it as well (: [not a perfect translation, but not bad :D]

The powerful and silky voice, the confident and polite, masculine aura and Géza has always been inseparable for me. Just as with his Krolock from Tanz der Vampire. Our talk in a café in Óbuda went deeper than that, I could get a more detailed picture about the actor who once was a singing waiter.

Q: You have mentioned that you are going to a rehearsal after our talk. Which show are you preparing for at the moment?

A: We have the premier of the musical We Will Rock You – which is based on Queen songs – at BOK Csarnok. After Sakk and Vámpírok Bálja this is the 3rd big hit of PS Produkció. The play has been successful for 16 years in the West and finally we get to have it as well. I’m happy that I got a part in it, but my heart aches because we couldn’t cooperate with Pesti Magyar Színház (where Vámpírok Bálja is played). Although the number of the audience will be limited to 2800, you still can’t give the same in a sport stadium as in a theatre. It has a different atmosphere, and we have to build the stage and other technical stuff. Fortunately these are in good hands and the designer – Kentaur – got free rein in it.

Q: That’s rare with an international production. Usually they expect replica shows.

A: Kentaur and Simon Edit have proved enough so that others trust them. We are the first who got this permission that we can translate not just the prose, but the lyrics as well. Of course there is a risk in it because these songs live in our memories in English. But it is a fact that we weren’t socialised as in for example the people in the Benelux countries. For them it is natural that they speak several languages, English among them. The Hungarian premier will be a non-replica show completely: we could change the design, costumes, choreography, dramaturgy and lyrics as well.

Q: What is this musical about?

A: The story takes place in the 2300s on the planet called iPlanet. It was written in the 80s, and most of what the writer had predicted became reality. We live in a globalised world where everyone consumes the same mass-produced articles that are put in front of them. If people don’t take the time to discover for example their own taste in music, then they get the same music the media emits. The vision of We Will Rock You is the same: real, valuable music has disappeared from the planet. Songs are not written because of love and emotions, they are only producing the same kind of music that is then sold to the population of iPlanet. There on this planet lives Killer Queen, who controls the whole universe. I am her executor, commander Kashoggi whose task is to imprison those who are against the system. A gigantic company, Globalsoft controls everything. Everyone works for them, the schools are under their control as well. Everyone is the same, as if even people were produced in factories. A girl and a boy are born into this world, with big hearts and real individuality. They are different from the others: they like other things, they have their own interests, which is of course prohibited. These two youngsters are living their own lives that are propelled forward by the ideas and dreams of the boy. They happen upon a society that lives according to the old values, of course in illegality in a place called Hard Rock Café. They fight against oppression from there.

Q: Is this where the success of this musical lies? In fighting against the system?

A: I think the music is what the main reason is. The story is woven around Queen songs that we have known and have been listening to for decades. Recently, musicals have started to use older music more and more often: Illés, Omega, Edda or Neoton songs have been used to create musicals. Mamma Mia started this series. That’s story was given, it was based on the 1968 movie called Buona Sera, Mrs. Campbell. In the other cases the stories are written now, and the songs have to be organised in a way that they have an impact. This isn’t easy, and sometimes the makers can’t achieve this. But the songs themselves always show real, classical value, and it isn’t by luck that they stay with us for decades.

Q: Among the songs of recent times, do you think there will be some that we’ll be listening to in the future as well?

A: Nowadays bands often lack perseverance. There aren’t many groups like for example Quimby, who have been playing together since the 90s, putting an enormous amount of energy and money into their careers. Today they would fill an Arena, but for this they needed lot of endurance. Even their start was hard.

Q: In an earlier interview you have mentioned that when starting your singing career you felt at a disadvantage because at 36, you started it with the role of Graf von Krolock in Tanz der Vampire. You didn’t complete the steps that could have given you experience. Do you still feel like this?

A: If someone falls into any profession with minimal previous experience it is natural that he lacks some skills. I had to work on these. It was a blessing that I had some affinity for it and that the stage didn’t throw me off. But it isn’t incidental that to this day they don’t call me for prosaic roles. For that matter, I am constantly training myself, I got my actor’s papers, but this isn’t what matters. It is more important that I’ve been thrown into deep water immediately and I could learn and better myself by watching experienced actors’ play and style. And I can’t imagine a better tutor than the school of life. While in the catering trade I already saw that those who were in vocational school were at a huge advantage because they were put out into the world immediately. They became professionals by the end of their third year, while we, who went to secondary technical schools only got the spend one day a week at work, and even then only in the kitchen. We had way less practice and we had to get it later.

Q: Did the theatrical world accept you easily? Didn’t they consider you as an outsider?

A: They weren’t unfriendly, but it was strange that they never mentioned where I have come from. I didn’t know what they thought of me. Now in productions I’m surrounded by young people around the age of my kids and I am often surprised of how much respect they show me. Nowadays I feel that colleagues have a positive attitude towards me. I don’t care about the criticism because the big roles that I got to play in the last 10 years can’t be only luck. If someone told me that starting tomorrow it’s all over I would be sorry, but I would feel that this was already something beautiful. A huge, whole and successful story and a real treat.

Q: Can we say that you are satisfied and have achieved what you wanted?

A: When I started learning singing my ambition was to become an opera singer. Somewhere along the middle of this I got stuck, I couldn’t put enough time and energy into it. I arrived into this with a complete family and I didn’t want to lose them, sacrifice them for my career, because they are just as important for me as theatre is. I wanted to keep my marriage, and for that, everyone always has to fight. If I made a bigger sacrifice, I would have probably gotten farther, but my family would be damaged. It wasn’t worth it.

Q: Your daughters are slowly growing up, they are 21 and 18 years old. Were there important family events that you missed because of theatre?

A: Unfortunately yes. With my elder daughter for example I missed her primary school graduation, I only got there in the evening. I couldn’t go to her prom either, because I had to jump in for someone else in a show. That really hit her hard "You know what, Dad? You don’t have to come to my wedding either."- she said. For me there are no weekends or holidays, just as in the catering trade. It is especially difficult when your family lives in the Monday-to-Friday world, and you are the only one sticking out. But we have learned to be flexible and celebrate when we have the time.

Q: How did your family react to your change of career?

A: At first it was hard, especially for my daughters. They loved visiting me at my workplace because they always got some ice cream or something else. It always turned out good for them and they really enjoyed it. But then came the change, and they didn’t really know what to do with it. They didn’t understand why it was good for me. While I was only going to singing lessons that was mostly alright, but when I started practising at home with my vampire teeth they were thinking "oh my god, Dad may have gone crazy for real". Seeing me on stage was even more surprising for them.

Q: Were they proud of you?

A: They felt some pride for a couple of years but after that they realised that it is the same job as others. And puberty took them in a different direction, kids like to get away from their parents when they are at that age. Recently they started to show some interest again, something they come to see me play, but the magic has dulled over the years.

Q: And your wife?

A: She is only willing to watch prose.

Q: She doesn’t like musical theatre?

A: No, imagine that! *laughing* She only admitted this to me after a long time, but it irritates her. Operettas could send her straight into a wall. I managed to get a ticket for the show Bajnok (Champion),  I had to work really hard for those tickets. We went to watch it and there was zero prose in it. It was in recitativo(?) and there were some Puccini melodies in it. It's a fantastic show, watch it if you can!

Q: You are not a member of any theatre companies – how much does it make your life harder?

A: Being a free-lance actor is always stressful, uncertain, and it is hard to plan anything because I can’t really predict what’s going to happen. But what is certain nowadays? If I were to work at a multinational company it wouldn’t be sure that I would have my job next year. The thing is that our generation was born in a calculable system, there was a kind of security that vanished with the regime change, and it is hard for me to live with this uncertainty. What is more, I have a family for whom I am responsible. That’s why self-managing and good relationships are important. It’s not enough to be good in a profession, the human factor is important as well in whom they choose for a role. I have several colleagues who fell out of roles because they don’t adapt well. They complain a lot, so others don’t really want to work with them.

Q: That’s natural, a show is always teamwork.

A: Yes, and being humble is rewarding in the long run. Of course we have to stand up for ourselves, but patience, humility and flexibility are very useful because we have to tolerate a lot. By the way, my waiter past helps a lot. We always had to smile whatever happened because the customer is always right.

Q: Different religions consider humility important. What role does faith have in your life?

A: At the moment I don’t visit any religious groups, but my faith is strong. I think more and more often about it and I thank the things I have. But this is only a communication of my own way, and I often feel that more is needed. Humans are comfortable by nature and after some they may neglect this kind of spiritual connection. That’s why we need a community: they help and strengthen us in it. Christianity stands closest to me because I grew into that culture. I started looking into other religions only in my 20s and 30s. They all have a common seed, base dogmas, and the different details are added to those.

Q: You are great in doing different kinds of genres of music. Which one is closest to you?

A: In the past sometimes I answered operettas, sometimes I said musicals. It isn’t the most important thing for me anymore, but the production. That I participate in something that is successful, that moves the audience because it is put together well: so the characters are good, the creators are good and there is enough money to do it. Essentially singing is the same: you must have hold(?), you need enough breath under it, etc. etc. And then you have to put the stylistic stuff on it that makes one into a musical, another into jazz, operetta or opera. But all styles can’t work well with everyone, so one has to know how to choose. I started with classical singing, and from that operettas and musicals are not that far from.

Q: If you sit in to watch a show, do you look at it differently than we do?

A: No, then I really turn off everything. Maybe the only thing that can distract me is if I know the actor. I know what he/she is like and I know of their professional skills. I can see whether they had to work a lot to form that character or if they fit the role perfectly. Once you know the person his magic dissipates. Those people who see me only on stage, only as Krolock look at me differently. That's why I advise people not to look "behind the scenes". That takes away the magic.

[hillonphotography]

CHINESE PHOTOGRAPHY

Yining He in Conversation with Paul Hill

1. What are you engaged in recently? How Peak District looks like at this season? Making pictures on my iPhone of things that are magnets to my eyes and also reflect my life at the moment. The weather is grey here which I like for photography, but a bit miserable for everyday living!

2. How did you start as a photojournalist in the mid 1960s? As far as I know, Tony Ray-Jones had just come back from the US, and began to work on a series on British customs. At the same time Creative Camera, as the only periodical about photography at that time, recommended a series from American photographers. How was the British photographic atmosphere back in that time? I was a reporter/writer on a small provincial newspaper in a rural county Shropshire in England but I was always in the darkroom watching the photographers and trying to print my own photos I had taken of my hobby which was – and still is – rock climbing and hill walking. Photography then was always in the service of commerce – editorial, advertising, industrial – if you wanted to make a living. But some magazines exposed us to photography as a personally expressive medium, like Creative Camera, which I used to see in the 60s. In it I saw the work of photographers like Tony Ray Jones, Diane Arbus, Lee Friedlander, Robert Frank. I had been introduced to the work of Henri Cartier Bresson and Eugene Smith through a photographer friend who helped me get work with a Birmingham newspaper when I decided to become a freelance in 1965. I also saw the work of Bill Brandt at that time in the book Shadow of Light which was very different to the photojournalistic work I was doing, but I loved it because it was SO different.

3. How did American and Europe photographic atmosphere influence you and other British photographers? They were very influential, but British photographer, Brandt was the best for me. What I liked was how photography as a stand alone medium was appreciated in the US. Much more than in Britain or Europe. In Europe photojournalism and documentary was king and I was a part of that practice but I realised that you could ‘say’ things with photography that were relevant and important to you. Serious art galleries were not interested in photography then and college painting, sculpture and print making courses, and artists in general, thought it was a medium of record rather than a creative medium as personally expressive as painting or sculpture

4. You completed a great book in photographic history – Dialogue with Photography - from 1974 to 1978 that collects interviews with photographic masters, and helps professionals, amateurs and scholars to observe and study photography. How did you and your partner Thomas Cooper start the dialogue? We wanted to research the idea of whether there was a difference between an American and a European aesthetic in photography. In 1974 we had to take some work to the Bibliotheque Nationale in Paris, so we decided to try and interview some famous European and American photographers who lived in France – Cartier Bresson, Brassai, Man Ray, Paul Strand, Lartigue – and we did it over 4 days. Camera, the Swiss magazine, which was the best international photo magazine then, was interested in publishing our photos – AND publishing the interviews on a monthly basis. This helped fund the project, and its editor Allan Porter helped support our interviews project, which were collected into the book that was published in New York and London in 1979.

5. What was the most impressive during the whole process?

Nearly all of those people we interviewed impressed us.  Each interview was a different experience and a bit of an adventure as meeting some of your heroes can be. I must write about each experience before I get too old to remember them! Helmut Gernsheim met his wife and collaborator, Alison in a nudist colony, Man Ray smoking pot, and seeing my first microwave oven at Ansel Adams’ home, and finding out he was a member for a time of the communist inclining Photo League, that Cecil Beaton deliberately photographed members of British aristocracy in a way that made them look foolish because he felt an outsider. I think the most impressive were Beaumont Newhall and Paul Strand to whom we dedicated the book.

6. How do you think this special experience influenced your understanding of photography? What’s more, I noticed that in the same period of time, you changed the subject significantly. As a relatively personal project, Prenotations, as you wrote before, consists of incongruous juxtapositions, visual metaphors and symbolic references that transcended the information that was in front of the camera at the time of exposure. We can see your style was changed from documentary to abstract. Why did your  photography change at that time? When I started teaching in an art department at Trent Polytechnic my approach changed as I wanted to be a student myself. So I experimented in the way we encouraged students to. I started to explore light as a solid object rather than a fleeting phenomenon in a photograph, for example.

7. In the following decade (1979-1989), you made landscape the subject of your creation, and created many great black and white images. Liz Wells  thinks landscape photography inherited two main themes: First is pure photography based on topography. In general, they maintained the image structure of traditional landscape paintings. Second is images with more pictorialism. They are consistent with the photographers’ idea of “valuing the first”, and are mysterious, poetic or critical. As a practitioner of landscape photography, how do you understand landscape as a genre of photography?

Photography foregrounds my involvement with the world, so landscape for me is about the stuff under your feet – the form, shapes, marks, history, social significance, adventure – because I found being in the outside, near to natural things, open spaces compelling even before I was a photographer. I climbed up crags and mountain tops, which gives a different perspective and attitude to it. I try to reflect what my instinct dictates in my photographs first before constructing a theory about what I am trying to achieve. If I see in the viewfinder a photograph I’ve seen before I try NOT to press the shutter. I learned this from Alexei Brodovitch's teaching. Although I’m bound to be influenced by the work of others, I strive to go my own way and deliberately provoke as well as witness. There is too much of the academy in photography today and not enough passion and emotion. It has become self conscious and too ‘cool’, in both senses of the word.

8. Wendy J. Darby, writer of Landscape and Identity, connects the landscape of Peak District with British national identity. She thinks the landscape of Peak District can arouse national sentiment and reflect people’s feelings toward history – the admiration of Britain before or after Norman Conquest. What significances does Peak District have on you? Its where I live, so I identify with it as a person and as a photographer as I said before. I don’t know what British national identity is – only my own – and I’m not sure about that either! The older I get the more suspicious I am of nationalism. There is here a tolerance of the strange and different, because most English people do not like to confront or cause offence, instead they ignore what they do not understand or let others – like some newspapers and politicians – do the complaining – except when they are drunk then they lose their inhibitions!

9.  In your 50-year career, which photographer or artist are the most influential to you?

In the early days Brian Randle – a photographer I worked with when I was a reporter – and Bill Brandt

10.  As we all know, the 1970s is the turning point for British photographic education. At that time, several British art schools, including Trent Polytechnic, Nottingham and Derby College of Art, West Surrey College of Art, Farham, and Polytechnic of Central London, respectively initiated new photographic courses. The Creative Photography Course launched by Trent Polytechnic Nottingham that you led in the mid 1970s significantly promoted photography as an art form. Why did you choose to teach photography? What made you launch such a course? I was asked to give talks to photo students in the early 70s – one of the first was at Manchester Polytechnic when Martin Parr, Daniel Meadows and Brian Griffin were there. Also, the editor of Creative Camera, Bill Jay , who I had worked with on another magazine, suggested to Trent Polytechnic that I be approached to some teaching there. I was getting disenchanted with the newspaper world I had been in for 13 years, particularly the arrival of Rupert Murdoch and his approach to journalism which was to take papers much further down market. Photo courses were very vocational then and had little regard for photography as a stand alone art form, or even for photo history. Most were more concerned with training rather than education, but the profession was changing and the majority of photographers were becoming freelancers and self employed. Permanent staff jobs were in the minority, so we wanted to give a more rounded visual education and emphasise creativity and adaptability. We managed to persuade our UK institutions and educational authorities that you could also be an artist with a camera too. Education was one part of the sea change. The others were Arts Council grants for photographers, the emergence of photo galleries, and photo workshops like my own, The Photographers Place, which my wife and I started in 1976

11.  What were the units of this course at the beginning? What’s more, being a course leader is different from being a photographer, because a course leader has more responsibilities and has to deal with many administrative affairs. What was your biggest challenge then? The most influential module was in the first year which was called Experimentation where we encouraged students to take chances. The work had to be innovative and reflect the personality of the student rather an application of commercial photography. The biggest challenge for me was to keep my own practice going as well as teach as well as direct the curriculum. But I think teachers should not ask students to do things they do not do themselves.

12. During the past four decades, what has changed in British photographic education? Would you mind share some of your experiences in teaching photography during last twenty years? There has been an enormous growth in degree courses in photography in the last 20 years, including postgraduate and doctoral studies. But over the last 10 years paid work for photographers has probably declined. There are more platforms for the medium, but little cash. So students should study photography like they might study English. Photography is probably the most important visual communicator in the world with more photographs being made during the course of this interview than in the first 100 years of photography!

13. Besides photography, what’s your other interests? How do they influence your creation? My interest as I said - outside photography and teaching - are walking, climbing, nature, history, cinema – and recently, through my partner Maria Falconer, contemporary dance and physical theatre.

14. What’s the relationship between photography and writing? Although they both describe, they can also transcend the informational, and create other perspectives on the world that reach the emotional and intellectual depths beyond our imaginings.

15. To help Chinese readers further understand British photography, could you please recommend one or two impressive exhibitions or books in the past decades? I think it is very difficult to give an accurate view of ‘British’ photography because it is an amalgam of international styles, but if pressed I would recommend: Three Perspectives on Photography (Hayward Gallery) and Through the Looking Glass (Barbican Gallery)

My book Approaching Photography is published in China, I am pleased to say.

Monographs - Shadow of Light  (Bill Brandt) and The English at Home  (Bill Brandt) A Day Out (Tony Ray Jones) Last Resort (Martin Parr) Red River  (Jem Southam) Weather Forecast (Mark Power)

January 2016

[slenderframe71]

There was a level of clandestine stealth and security surrounding the means by which Clash first got to hear the selection of tracks chosen to offer a teasing taster of the forthcoming fifth 30 Seconds To Mars album that was unprecedented in all our past experiences with advance listens - but then 30STM are no ordinary rock band.

It’s the last day of May, and London is in full bloom amid an early-summer heatwave (which, as it turned out, was our summer), and we’ve followed top-secret directions to an undisclosed address where an LA record exec will allow us, under watchful gaze, access to his laptop and the handful of songs they’re prepared to share at this stage. Unmixed and some weeks from completion, they still sound epic: we’re pulled into giant, welcoming landscapes that share a positive and reassuring energy, made all the more invigorating in this agreeable climate.

Buoyed and fortified by this quick burst of expansive power, we’re led upstairs to meet one-third of these songs’ creators: the prolific and proficient lead singer, who’s the cause of today’s heightened secrecy.

It strikes us, as we prepare to step into Jared Leto’s suite, that today’s covert operations were entirely justified; more than just an exclusive playback of new material, this was an audience with a platinum selling, award-winning rock star, an acclaimed award-winning director, and an A-list award-winning Hollywood movie star. We were about to hang, we realised, with someone that owns an Oscar.

In a career spanning almost 25 years, Leto has remained an enigmatic and compelling talent whose pursuits have consistently afforded him a pan-generational iconic status; to those of a certain age, his turn as high-school heartthrob Jordan Catalano in 1994 TV series My So-Called Life was the catalyst for many an adolescent crush fantasy, and since 1998, 30 Seconds To Mars have risen to become stadium-filling, anthemic heroes to a legion of fans who favour a more profound and progressive brand of rock, while his on-screen conquests (including Fight Club, American Psycho, Requiem For A Dream, Chapter 27, and the imminent Blade Runner 2049) combine to form a range of immersive and stimulating roles - most triumphantly, of course, his portrayal of transgender AIDS patient Rayon in Dallas Buyers Club would earn him the Best Supporting Actor statue at the 2014 Academy Awards.

This moment, therefore, was bound to be unforgettably significant for all of us - it was the first step towards his most coveted accolade to date: a Clash cover.-

Three months later, with the capital’s tropical conditions a distant memory, we have reconvened in Central London to make this dream a reality.

A fortnight ago, 30 Seconds To Mars premiered to the world ‘Walk On Water’, the lead single from the still as-yet-untitled new album, at the MTV VMA’s in California, with a visually and physically spectacular performance captured by thermal cameras that featured a guest appearance from Travis Scott. Shannon Leto, Jared’s older brother, band co-founder and drummer, is centre stage, surrounded by an army of dancers, hammering the track’s pounding heartbeat, while guitarist Tomo Miličević intrepidly prowls amid the throng. Leering directly into camera, Jared forcefully delivers the call-to-arms’ leading question: “Do you believe that you can win this fight tonight?”

If the answer was in the trio’s self-assurance and resolve, then it would be an irrefutable ‘yes’. It’s been four-and-a-half years since the group’s previous outing, ‘Love, Lust, Faith & Dreams’, and 30 Seconds To Mars on that stage look like lions released from their cages. At our second meeting with Jared, with this track out in the wild and its successors to follow, he’s noticeably ready - and hungry - for the fight.

And so, with a new record comes new responsibilities: namely interviews. As Clash begin our line of questioning, we can’t help but wonder what the difference is, for the ultimate renaissance man such as Jared Leto, between talking about music and the other mediums he’s so involved in.

“That’s a good question,” is the welcome response. “I think the difference with music is that it’s a very intimate and personal process. When you make a film, you work with really a large group of people and it is very collaborative. When you make music, it’s a much smaller team. Over the years it’s been mostly my brother and I - we’ve done this since we were kids - so sharing that with family makes it different right from the get-go. It’s just special; it’s hard to really compare it to anything else. Writing music starts from the most simple, most humble beginning and can turn into something that really connects in such a powerful way around the globe, so it’s a very beautiful process that a thought, an idea, can in turn end up touching so many people and in such a deep way. It certainly has for me in my life; music has changed me. It has been my soundtrack, it has been my companion, it has been my inspiration, and so many artists have taught me about life and the world through their writing.”

Unlike the punishing press schedule that actors endure, musicians are less obligated to promote their product - Frank Ocean, for example, is refusing all interview requests - so, if his music is so personal and intimate, why doesn’t Jared simply let it speak for itself?

“I guess I’m motivated to do [interviews] because I recognise that it’s a great way to spread the word,” he reasons. “Music is meant to be consumed, just like… I guess it’s kinda like cooking; if you’re at home and you’ve made a big dinner and you put all the food out on the table, it’s certainly a lot nicer when people show up and consume the meal. In order for that, you need to invite people to do it, so I think I look at this as like the invitation process.”

Facing this mouth-watering banquet he’s laid before himself, Jared is practically tucking a napkin into his collar and sharpening his knives - he’s more than ready to gorge on music once more. “It’s been a long time coming, and we’re excited about the new music,” he attests. “In four-and-a-half years a lot happens, and the world changes - you change - and I think you can hear that change on the album. I think it’s a different album, and I think people are going to be pretty surprised by the songs they hear.”

As persistent and intense as always, on these new songs, 30 Seconds To Mars have refined the electronic inflections of ‘Love, Lust, Faith And Dreams’ and the more expressive qualities of it predecessor, 2009’s ‘This Is War’, to create something palpably vivid in its passionate perspective and connectivity.

Jared’s boundless enthusiasm can also be put down to the relief and gratitude he feels to even be in this position again. His 2012 documentary, Artifact, captured the traumatic experience of 30STM battling with their record label, EMI, in a $30 million breach-of-contract lawsuit that threatened their very existence - “We went to war,” he says, “and it wasn’t easy.” The conflict would ultimately produce the justly dramatic ‘This Is War’, but the whole brutal ordeal did little to dampen the band’s creative spirits. “There was a lot at stake, and that experience changed our lives. It taught us about ourselves, this business of music, and there were great lessons to be learned in that experience.”

Almost a decade after their legal wrangles, Jared is optimistic about the progress made by the music industry in that time that now allows 30STM to prosper - the business, he says, is “more transparent, and I think it’s got better, because musicians have the ability to have a louder voice and to speak to their audience directly. We were signed a decade before Facebook, or more. We were signed six or seven years before YouTube. The world has changed so much and I think for the better.”

Adding to Artifact and the series of 30STM videos he’s directed, Jared is continuing the tradition of marrying his two favourite mediums - music and film - in album companion pieces with A Day In The Life Of America, which picks up on the themes present in this new album. “Times are changing,” he warns in ‘Walk On Water’, and this film aims to document their impact on modern America through the viewpoints of those both within and without the country. “It really could be about any country in the world right now,” he argues. “I think so many of us are going through similar things. We’re all so connected now. I mean, people are asking really crucial questions - who are we, who do we want to be, what kind of country do we want to live in - and I think that it’s hard to tell the story of America without telling the story of the world.”

Having sent out 92 films crews across all 50 states, and extended a global invitation for a submission of clips, they have amassed reams of contributions, “from the Middle East to China to Africa and beyond,” that promise to form an insightful and objective portrait of our planet today.

Clearly, Jared relishes being in the distinctly fortunate and enviable position that allows him to exercise his inquisitive and inventive mind in a number of fields - in addition to music and movies, he’s become further aligned with fashion, more recently appearing in campaigns for Gucci at the behest of his best friend, the brand’s creative director, Alessandro Michele - but, like the fearless looks he’s rocked on red carpets of late (Gucci, naturally), his judgements have always followed a rather maverick trajectory - as exemplified in his diverse choice of non-conformist movie roles.

“I like to be challenged,” he says of his attraction to projects. “I like to be provoked creatively, and I like an opportunity that pushes me to a new place and teaches me something. I love to learn, and it’s a good opportunity when you’re doing these things to be slightly off balance, to be on uncertain creative grounds.” He points to A Day In The Life Of America, the VMAs and the experimental nature of their new songs as representative of his latest forays into unknown territories. “And it’s not just the result,” he adds, “it’s the process of how do you do these things, how do you prepare for these things, how do you craft and figure out the production and the technical side of things that is part of the journey itself.”

It’s a particularly individualistic journey that Leto has undertaken, one driven by instinct and inspiration, but not one he could necessarily do alone. “You follow your gut and your heart and your head,” he says of his method of working, “and you build a great team of people who can help bring your vision to life.”

When it comes to 30STM, therefore, how lucky he is to have such an attuned collaborator as his brother. “[Shannon] is the reason that we are doing this,” he states. “He was the one that kinda led the charge with music. He was the one that always saw the future here… To have been doing it for this long is absolutely mind-blowing, and we don’t take it for granted for a single second… You know, we talk often about how fortunate we are and how grateful we are to be in the position that we’re in.”

That familiarity also enables Jared the freedom to truly be who he wants to be on stage: himself. Though screen characters have required drastic physical transformations - he piled on the pounds to play Mark Chapman in Chapter 27, and became practically emaciated for Dallas Buyers Club - and a method-like immersion in character (his Joker wreaked havoc on his Suicide Squad co-stars, who claim never to have met Jared Leto), there is no mask worn by the lead singer of 30STM. “Music is incredibly personal,” he affirms. “It’s about pulling the veil back. It’s about sharing as much of yourself as you can, or your thoughts, whether it’s your head, your heart, or your guts, whatever. Your spirit - whatever that is. You know, it’s not about taking on an imaginary set of circumstances and building a character. I’m never more of myself than when I’m standing on stage. There’s an absence of character.”

Daunting to some, that prospect is entirely natural to Jared Leto, who professes to feeling more comfortable performing in front of 140,000 people than he does holding a conversation with one person in a restaurant, and it’s the foundation of 30STM’s unfaltering relatability that ensures they remain a pertinent and provocative band for our times. “You can never stop learning,” Jared says of their perceptive and exploratory nature, which thankfully shows no sign of ever abating - unlike our conversation, which draws to an end as cryptically as it began. “Craft isn’t something that ends. Songs are elusive - they’re like dreams,” he smiles knowingly, “they’re hard to catch a hold of.”

[lightscameramagicrp]

Welcome to Behind The Magic, AJ. We really loved your app for Mitchell Burgess with the FC of Channing Tatum and we can’t wait to see what you do with him. Please look at our checklist and send in your account within 24 hours. We’re excited to see more of you here at Behind The Magic!

PLAYER INFORMATION Name: AJ
Preferred Pronouns: They/Them 
Age [17+]: 25
Timezone: CST
How did you find us?: on the ’new rpg’ tag

CHARACTER INFORMATION Character Name: Mitchell Burgess Name of desired character: Mitchell Burgess Character Faceclaim: * First Choice: Channing Tatum * Second Choice: Matt Lanter Character’s Birthday: August 3, 1980 TV Show: Stunt Coordinator for Weather the Storm Biography: Born in Houston, Texas, he was born Mitchell Thomas Warren, his mother’s maiden name, since at the time of his birth she was unmarried. In fact, his biological father took off the moment he found out he had knocked up some hotel maid. Though that was a story he wouldn’t hear until he was older. The one he knew was that his father was a stuntman and coordinator who had fallen ill and passed. It was just the two of them very the first part of his life, they lived a couple blocks from the hotel his mother worked at and she would walk him to school in the morning and go do her job. Every afternoon she would be there to pick him up and take him back to the hotel where he would do his homework while she did the laundry. They would go home, she always made sure there was dinner on the table and a new day would start. He was never without love from her and it wasn’t until he was older and understood everything she did for him. But there was a part of him that knew his mother was lonely, he was ten years old and the few dates his mother had been on, well, they found out about him and went hightailing for the door.

That was until Harrison Burgess came into the picture. The famous director was filming a movie in Houston and was staying at the hotel where his mother worked. In fact it was a mischievous ten year old that met the director first inside the elevator. His mother would catch up to him and as the doors opened that was when the two laid eyes on each other. You could say it was very much out a movie, his mother called it her ‘Pretty Woman’ moment. He didn’t see the movie until he was a few years older and couldn’t help but agree. But the scene at the end of the movie where Richard Gere shows up, well, it was very much that moments and the director got down on his knee, asked his mother to marry and they became a family of three. Harrison, also, officially adopted Mitchell when he was tweleve years old, a couple years into their marriage and he became Mitchell Thomas Burgess. The man was and is the only father he’s ever really known and refers to him as dad and is sure to teach his own daughter, Olivia, that Harrison is grandpa.

Even as close as the two were, Mitchell came to have a deep love of cinema that he got from Harrison, especially when he let him come to set and watch him direct his films. But as he got older, the story about his biological father raised more and more questions. He’d bug his mother to tell him stories of the stunt coordinator and the projects he had worked up. He had no idea his mother was lying to him the whole time. He found himself idolizing a man he never met (and didn’t want anything to do with him). He often would tell his younger cousin, Natalia Burgess, about the fantasy tales his mother spun for him. He wanted to be just like his dad. His mother had no idea her lies would effect a young boy to young adults decision.

He was an okay student in high school, he was an athlete and played football, but his real dreams were to be a stunt coordinator just like his father. His parents weren’t thrilled by the idea but how could they crush a young adult’s life trying to stop him from doing what he wanted. Mitchell, or Mitch, as those close to him call him, moved out to New York City to attend school. That was where the start of his life changed forever. He had been working backstage at some theater productions to make money, when Valerie Hastings came into his life. She was a young aspiring actress and it took him nearly two weeks to work up to asking her out. He wasn’t sure she really liked him, despite some obvious flirting between the two behind the scenes. One dinner turned into a blossoming relationship over a few years. She was his first real love and honestly, had even bought a ring in contemplation of asking her to marry him. They were young though, struggling to make their careers and following their dreams. Long distance wasn’t going to work. They broke up. Let me just tell you this, it’s a lot easier to throw yourself off a roof and free fall for a stunt then to walk away from the love of your life.

Dedicated to making his career, he left New York and ended up going overseas to London and working with a stunt crew there on different films. Over the last several years he’d made quite the name for himself not only as a stuntman, but, as his ultimate dream, to work as a stunt coordinator. He’s done Hollywood movies, television, even did a couple of classes at New York University (NYU). He was working up in Vancouver for a production studio when fate decided to play a funny trick. It’s not like he hadn’t heard Valerie’s name, she had become a successful actress and had achieved all she set out to do. He hadn’t thought much about reconnecting, often times they were on opposites sides of the world and doing their own thing. Well, as it would turn out, the two of them ended up working for the same production studio a decade later and seeing her again, he realized he had never stopped loving her.

Their reconciliation happened quickly and within a short amount of time, the ring that he still had, he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. They got married and quickly their family ended up growing when six months into their marriage Valerie ended up pregnant. He was a damn proud father to be the day she told him and if you think he couldn’t have fallen in love with her more well, he did ever more so.

Nearly thirty-six hours of labor and Valerie being the true champ of it, Olivia Hastings-Burgess was born on a snowy January morning. From the moment he held his daughter he felt an unconditional love that he had never experienced before and finally really understood everything his own single mom had done for him. He couldn’t understand how any parent could just abandon that especially being their with his gorgeous wife (and she was even after hours of labor) and their beautiful daughter (thank god she got her mother’s looks! haha!)

Since the birth of his daughter, Mitch was offered a position up as the stunt coordinator for a new television series called, Weather the Storm. Life is perfect. He is married to the love of his life and his is completely devoted to his wife and daughter. It seems he has everything he could ever want. That was until someone showed up on set - one of the production assistants said his dad had come to visit, thinking that it was Harrison, though it would be unusual for him to just show up, but maybe it was an emergency, something with his mother. Overactive imagination hurried him to see his father only to come face to face with a man he doesn’t know - his biological father. Mitch has no idea what he wants and why he’s there, and he claims to be ‘fine’ whenever asked about it. But something is wrong about the whole situation and who knows what will happen.

Plans/Ideas: I’m really excited to explore the relationship he has with his wife and daughter and balancing all that out with work - I imagine it was something he never imagined having in his future despite the fairytale ending his mother found with his step father, Harrison Burgess. I imagine he’s a very dotting father with Olivia and is probably not the disciplinarian come the future - he’ll totally be wrapped around her little fingers (she probably already knows it to). He’s in love with his wife and probably makes jokes in interviews and when asked about her success about why the hell she choose him and keeps by his side. He’d do anything for his family. As far as his biological father showing up, that’s going to throw him for a loop and I kind of imagine him being that tough guy ‘i’m fine’ and trying to deal with it himself. Definitely some drama surrounding that and could see it playing into his and Valerie’s marriage somehow.

Anything Else: I’m really excited about the whole idea!

[trevorbailey61]

Mostly Jazz, Funk & Soul Festival

Moseley Park, Birmingham Sunday 9th July, 2017

Just outside Stafford off A518 that leads to Uttoxeter lies New Bingley Hall. It was a road I travelled a few months ago and passing it now it looks like what it is, a big shed that forms part of the county showground. The deserted pens and parade grounds indicate that it still provides its main agricultural function but there was no activity on this day leaving it a ghostly hulk at the side of the road. This was a journey I did a few times many years ago where the hall I sped past would have been my destination. This was because before the NIA, before the NEC, before the Ricoh Arena or before any of the other places that those artists would play who had grown to big for clubs or theatres, this was the main large venue for the West Midlands. Instead of rushing past, I maybe should have left the road, left the car in one of the car parks that always took hours to get out of and searched for an open door that would lead me into its cavernous interior. Then, stand quietly and listen to echoes of shows that were held thirty, forty years ago still reflecting off the hard unforgiving surfaces. A few lyrics from “No Woman No Cry”, the familiar tone of a voice persuading us we could be “Heroes”, the pulsating synthesised rush of “On The Run”, so many legends and such poor acoustics.

Aside from the sound, the main problem with Bingley Hall was that it was virtually inaccessible by anything but a car; a few coaches would run from Stafford or Birmingham but that still left the problem of getting back home having been dropped off around midnight.This meant that by the time I was able to travel there myself those iconic figures had already been and gone. My experience of the place was therefore of being surrounded by beery sweaty blokes listening to other beery sweaty blokes play heads down heavy rock. Thin Lizzy were possibly a little past their peak but still put on a great show, Motorhead were absolutely at theirs for the “Ace of Spades” tour whilst only Dire Straits matched the level of boredom I reached watching Rainbow; six songs in 90minutes including a twenty minute, a TWENTY FUCKING MINUTE, Cozy Powell drum solo. My first visit, however, was during the summer of 1978 and was for something quite different. This was a couple of years after the supposed punk tsunami had washed away the last vestiges of the old music but the problem with the musical tribalism of the 70s was it was all from a white, mostly British and almost entirely male perspective. We would argue over the merits of glam, prog, heavy metal and punk but none of these trends would feature during a night out at a school disco or later at night clubs. Here it was the girls who were in charge and the music they wanted to dance to was bright, optimistic and carried along by a beat that never wavered. This was what I, with a group of friends, travelled to Stafford for, disco, funk soul, we were there to see the Commodores.

It is difficult to think now just how funky The Commodores were in their early days. Just before I saw them, they had scored their biggest hit with “Three Times a Lady” and in trying to repeat this they became lost in a series of weak ballads smothered in so much syrup it made your teeth hurt. Live, however, the energy was still there through “Slippery When Wet”, “Brickhouse” and “Machine Gun” so that when Lionel Ritchie sat down at the piano to serenade us, we took the opportunity for a toilet break. The nonsense about new and old wave may have been playing out in the press and common rooms but away from that artists, mostly American, were producing the music that would go on to make the 80s something of a golden age for soul. Some established singers suddenly found a new audience that was receptive to their work, Bobby Womack produced some of the defining albums of the decade, his brother Cecil made the the superb “Love Wars” and Ritchie himself contributed the sublime “All Night Long”. Shalamar made you feel good, Anita Baker brought “Sweet Love” and for Luther Vandross it was “Never Too Much”. Then there was Chaka Khan. What she could add was an extraordinary voice, built on the gospel traditions of the deep south, it is singing that displays power and versatility, hitting highs that stretch the limits of human vocal chords whilst also plunging into deep resonant bass. She may be older now but for Chaka Khan the range is undiminished, in her first song she releases a melody at ear straining pitch and ferocious power which audience cheer wildly; this is what we are here for, something that only a few of extraordinary talent can pull off.

It was “Ain’t Nobody” that introduced me to Chaka Khan. It is one of those songs that always takes me back; just hearing the fluid bass introduction brings on a wave of nostalgia, the slow build of staccato chords and shimmering keys before Khan’s vocals starts; the melody, a little unsure of itself at first increasing the anticipation before finally finds its home. It is a perfectly constructed song that grabs you from the start and holds you as each new layer is added. The effect of hearing it performed on a warm July evening is simply magical, its powerful effect working its way around the audience as everyone, young, old, even myself, were able to sing along, word perfect. Khan needed to do little other than introduce the song and the audience would do the rest, and at times this is just what she did, but her presence was what made it so special. “Ain’t Nobody” followed “I Feel For You” and “I’m Every Woman”, a flurry of 80s glam soul few could match that finished the day on an incredible high. The band effortlessly slipped into the groove whilst also adding brilliant flourishes and her three backing singers could almost rival the star for power and dexterity. The early part of the set saw some of the early 70s songs that she originally performed as the singer with the band Rufus, with whom she also recorded “Ain’t Nobody”, that allowed her to demonstrate her impressively high register on "Do You Feel What You Feel” and “Tell Me Something Good”. There was also a lovely ballad in “Love Me Still” that saw her seated with the sheer force of her delivery silencing the chatter in the crowd. She did, however, seem to be pacing herself, the band had already performed one song before she made her entrance and she went off for another break midway through the set. By the time that bassline introduces “Ain’t Nobody”, however, that is all forgotten.

Introducing her Craig Charles, who has done much to establish this festival, listed the acts that have been brought to Moseley before describing Chaka Khan as the biggest. It is undoubtedly what she would have wanted to hear and she certainly drew a big crowd including many who would not have been born when “Ain’t Nobody” was soaring up the charts. Rumours soon began to circulate, however, that looking after a star this bright came at a price and that she had been very high maintenance, demands apparently included a toilet solely for her use and being driven across the park to the back stage area. It fits the diva persona that is so easily applied to singers, particularly those approaching the twilight of their career, but her performance shattered the impression that her gilded life meant that she was unable to relate to her audience. She appeared relaxed onstage, responded to calls for songs from her repertoire and shared a few memories, even announcing that she once had lived in Birmingham for a year. The most striking moment came just after she returned after her mid-set break; picking out someone on the front row, she asks if they can sing. When they reply that they can, she invites them onstage to join her for a duet of “My Funny Valentine” at which point they get cold feet and decline. Not everyone, however, was so hesitant and she picks out another girl who is by no means overawed by pitting her vocals against the star. It is always best to apply some scepticism to supposed spontaneous audience involvement and the ability of the girl in question did seem to be very good for someone chosen apparently at random. That said, however, it did seem to be on the level and showed the trust she had in her audience, that she was prepared to take a risk based on this and that she is not completely out of touch.

Bright sunshine with temperatures in the high 20s and a muggy humidity made it an exhausting day but the strong line-up helped to carry us through. Again, this was, as the name of the festival states, mostly Jazz which was seen in its many permutations from small groups to big bands. This often included the same musicians, some appearing in consecutive acts on the two stages, and whilst the playing was invariably of a high standard, the music tended to form a soothing background on such a warm day, lulling my wife to sleep at about the middle of the afternoon. Those acts that could distort and reshape the rules were the ones that stood out with Taupe, a trio from Newcastle, providing an early highlight. The rhythm, guitar, sax format was familiar but their use of effects pedals added distortions to the sound that enhanced the playing, at one point the two at the front crouching as they bent and warped the note they had finished playing minutes earlier. The Comet is Coming were to take this further with wild sax improvisations played above a deep pulsating bass that only electronic music can provide to startling effect. It made for an incredible sound that cut through the lethargy that a warm afternoon can produce and demanded attention.

Aside from the headline, the main soul duties were left to Harleighblu, a young singer from Nottingham whose study of her influences has allowed her to develop a full bodied voice that soars above the immaculate grooves set down by her backing band. She is an engaging and charismatic singer whose enthusiasm helped to get many off their feet during the hottest part of the day. Crazy P also came together in Nottingham, although this was a result of all being students at my alma mater, and also helped many forget how hot it was. Having started out as Crazy Penis, it took them a surprisingly long time to drop all but the first letter of the second word, they have been producing their light mix of disco, jazz and house for over twenty years without quite making the break through to reach a larger audience. Listening to them, this seems surprising, particularly given the infectious beat of their music and that, in Danielle Moore, they possess another striking singer whose hyperactive performance is mesmerising. Starting with “Like a Fool” from their most recent album they are quickly into their shimmering funky groove which, like the star, allows Ms Moore for a mid-set costume change.

Watching the Commodores all those years ago, the thought of the queue to get off the car park could never be completely put out of your mind however good the show was. Many years later we make our way out of Moseley Park onto a street where there are many out for a meal or a drink on a Sunday evening oblivious to the music being played just behind the buildings. A short walk back to the car and we are on our way, no queues, we are back home in less than half an hour. The relaxed departure is in keeping with the festival itself, the music is great, the people friendly and the organisation works by being unobtrusive. In its small way it represents what our leaders have taken to referring to as British values; open, tolerant and inclusive. Alright it is terribly middle class but that still allows for a broad diversity in the audience brought together by the music. Despite living locally, it took me a surprisingly long time to attend my first festival but in the short period of time in which I have been enjoying the event, there have been notable changes. With it being a family event, many make a day of it with picnics, chairs, parasols and so on. Whilst the hi-vis jackets of security were always present, the family nature of the event and that many lived almost next door and knew each other meant that is was very low key. Now, however, the bag searches are more thorough, the hi-vis jackets are more prominent and there are increasing restrictions on items that can be brought in. It is sad that this has been necessary but recent events have shown that people can be at their most vulnerable when they are being entertained. Music is about bringing people together and for the sell-out crowd here tonight that was what happened. It is a part of our culture that some wish to destroy, it is up to the rest of us to show our resilience and deny them that by cherishing those moment we share.

[caveartfair]

How Women Artists Survive the Challenges of Mid-Career Stagnation

Each year, London-based collector Valeria Napoleone sets an acquisition budget for herself, and considers what works she might add to her roughly 400-work-strong collection of art by women, built over more than two decades. In the past five years, she noticed a strange, recurring phenomenon: Works by young artists, often barely out of grad school, commanded similar or higher prices than pieces by accomplished mid-career artists, some of whom she herself had been buying since the late 1990s.

“You have someone in her fifties, with a long story of exhibitions, and the price is the same as an artist who’s just had one or two solo shows in a gallery, so what’s happening here?” said Napoleone. “I’m confronted with this more and more every day.”

Any artist’s mid-career period—which, for this story, is loosely defined as an artist who has been working continuously for at least a decade—can be fraught. But it is especially challenging for female artists, who face deeply ingrained stereotypes and biases, whose work is less easily received by a male-dominated art market, and who may be less inclined to advocate for themselves than their male peers. Interviews with more than a dozen artists, dealers, and arts professionals show how women navigate this tricky terrain—with sheer perseverance, conscious reinvention, and the help and support of friends.

“It is definitely a sensitive time for male and female artists,” said Mary Sabbatino, who, as vice president and partner of Galerie Lelong, has worked with or represented the estates of artists such as Nancy Spero, Etel Adnan, and Ana Mendieta. Collectors will take a chance on younger artists, especially at a lower price point; artists with established museum track records are considered a surer bet. Curators, meanwhile, would prefer to be credited with the discovery of a new voice.

At middle-age, women no longer comfortably conform to the “wild child” image the world expects of an artist.

“In mid-career, artists are kind of in the middle. They’re neither completely vetted, nor are they new,” said Sabbatino.

This is regrettable, said Kathleen Gilrain, executive director of Brooklyn exhibition space Smack Mellon, because at mid-career, an artist is often maturing into a richer, more nuanced phased of their work. Smack Mellon, of which Gilrain is also chief curator, offers exhibition opportunities specifically to mid-career artists without gallery representation, with a focus on women.

“An artist might make a big splash when they’re younger and then they get into this mid-career phase when they’re not the name any more, and then they kind of disappear,” said Gilrain. “Well, they don’t disappear! They’re still making work, and they’re making a lot better work, maybe, than when they made that big splash.”

“The work gets better, artists get better when they keep making art,” she continued. But unfortunately, she added, “there’s a serious ageism problem in the art world, and I see it a lot.”

This problem can be compounded by the lack of clear professional stepping stones in the art world, said Mark Smith, executive director of Axisweb, a nonprofit supporting artists in the U.K.

“In other career paths, you can clearly see, ‘Okay, that’s where I go next,’ and as an artist, that’s not there,” he said. “If you consider an artist’s career, it’s very up and down. One of the problems many artists face when it’s 10 or 15 years in, is they’re no longer the new thing.”

The new generation of artists’ ease with social media and comfort with self-promotion and creating their own opportunities puts older artists at an even greater disadvantage, Smith said.

“They’re not so digitally savvy as younger artists, and don’t have that DIY approach to doing things,” Smith said. “Artists who’ve been doing it for 10 or 15 years, maybe they’re worn down by the process. Younger artists are more switched on to that DIY way of doing things.”

Lynn Hershman Leeson, 77, has worked for most of her life in San Francisco, holding as many as five adjunct teaching jobs at once to support herself and her daughter while pursuing her art career. “It was really scary and grueling, and I was like one step ahead of the law in getting evicted and raising a kid,” she said. “I was almost 50 when I got my first job.…Things like a postage stamp, you had to think twice about whether you’re going to buy that.”

Leeson was finally “discovered,” as it were, in 2014 by Gavin Brown’s Enterprise’s then-staffer Bridget Donahue, who took the time to pore through a binder of materials and DVDs covering Leeson’s lifetime of work. In 2015, Donahue opened her eponymous gallery with a mini-retrospective of five decades of Leeson’s work, helping jump-start her career in the United States.

Nina Katchadourian, 50, said her career has been marked by female “gate-openers” such as her San Francisco dealer Catherine Clark, as well as curators she has worked with very closely, often on multiple occasions.

“The people who have been the most supportive of my career in the past 10 years have been women,” Katchadourian said. “My closest professional relationships have been actually with women…with the ones who have really put their full weight and trust and faith behind what I’m doing. There have been some amazing men, too, but it does sort of strike me now that it’s mostly women, actually.”

The artist Marilyn Minter, now 70, attributes the divergence between women and men’s career paths in part to the power wielded by male collectors, who were unreceptive to the feminist work she and her female colleagues were making as they came of age. This was especially true of collectors of her generation, whose buying power also grew as they approached middle age.

Portrait of Marilyn Minter and Laurie Simmons by Laurel Golio for Artsy.

“I’m not a sociologist or anthropologist, but until recently, the collector base was all men of the same age as that of the women artist…and they never saw a powerful woman. If their mother had a job at all they were nurses, or teachers, or librarians, or housewives,” Minter said. “They can’t wrap their head around someone being an innovator and being female.”

Minter watched as talented men in her cohort of artists were lionized by male collectors and the press, while equally talented women had careers that never quite reached the same peaks, especially in market terms.

“The male collectors, they go after the identified ‘art heroes,’ the so-called Picassos of the time, the ones that generate all the press,” she said, acknowledging that some (she cited Jeff Koons, Christopher Wool, and Richard Prince) “are very good,” while others, who are “just terrible,” nonetheless get the backing of dealers and auction houses.

“Why isn’t Kara Walker selling for as much as Jeff Koons? Why isn’t Cindy Sherman? They changed art history as much as Jeff Koons did,” Minter said.

Why, indeed. Artists offered a wide array of explanations of how the mid-career experience can challenge women, from the asymmetric social expectations or parenting obligations that hobble many women’s careers, to art-world specific factors such as the myth of the heroic male genius.

“The whole structure of the art world is built on getting a certain kind of commercial and institutional support that has been denied to women,” said Joan Semmel, 86. “In the beginning of a career, one can fight against it and get by on just the sheer novelty of them having a woman, that has, quote, ‘talent’ and ability…and but the problem is, how do you get the institutions to support that career?”

The historic worship of male creative genius, Semmel said, paves the way for collectors and museums to buy into men’s work.

“There’s the kind of mythology of the heroic male genius who comes on the scene and pisses in the fireplace,” she said. “It’s a little hard for us to piss on the fireplace. We don’t function quite the same way.”

“People are more comfortable after a certain age with the profile of the woman artist as a crazy old lady.”

Creative genius in women, in the art world’s stereotype, often wears a different frame, Semmel said. In women, genius often takes “the form of the beautiful fabulous woman who’s the lover of whoever and has made these wonderful paintings, or else the madness—it’s wonderful to have the madness in there somehow, that in some way accounts for the genius that this poor woman has.”

That latter aura is most readily ascribed to women in their reckless youth, or in old age; Laurie Simmons, 69, believes that “people are more comfortable after a certain age with the profile of the woman artist as a crazy old lady.” But at middle-age, women no longer comfortably conform to the “wild child” image the world expects of an artist.

Mary Kelly explored this in-between period in a work tellingly titled Interim Part I: Corpus (1984–85), a series of texts on aging, narrated through scenes of female camaraderie, discussions of fashion, a day at the beach preceded by the agony of bikini shopping. At the 40th birthday party of a friend, Kelly wrote, “Sarah interrupts to tell me the leather jacket is lovely but she distinctly remembers that I said I’d never wear one. I confess I finally gave in for professional reasons, that there’s so much to think about now besides what to wear, that the older you are the harder it seems to be to get it right and that the uniform makes it a little easier.”

Installation view of Mary Kelly, Interim Part I: Corpus, 1984–85 in Pippy Houldsworth Gallery’s booth at Frieze London, 2018. Courtesy of Pippy Houldsworth Gallery.

Speaking alongside the Corpus installation, which was shown at Frieze London in October, Kelly described how approaching one’s mid-career phase, especially as a woman, makes it harder to conform to the “marketable identity of the artist as younger, dissident” type who “has a drug habit,” which is part of the myth of the artist as a creative Other. “We’re part of the entertainment industry,” Kelly said.

The sexism women face is pernicious and grinding. “It’s very hard to even talk about it, because it’s like a thousand blows,” Semmel said. “It happens in increments, in small shots, over and over and over again, in different ways, and a lot of people get discouraged.”

Judith Bernstein—represented by Kasmin gallery in New York, The Box in Los Angeles, and Karma International in Zurich—said the biggest obstacle facing women in the art world is self-doubt. She cites the writings of Louise Bourgeois, another artist famously ignored for most of her career, as inspiration.

“She never stopped making work,” Bernstein said. “That is the way to overcome self-doubt, to continue on.”

Philadelphia Civic Center Censorship Petition, 197 Courtesy of Judith Bernstein.

For nearly a quarter-century, from her early forties until her mid-sixties, Bernstein, 76, did not have a solo show. Her radical critiques of male sexuality, as seen in her famous “Screw Drawings,” didn’t earn her many admirers among the male establishment.

“Being a woman, feminist, and making sexual work that critiqued men had its many disadvantages,” Bernstein said. “There were so many mid-career women who were also dead in the water. We did what we had to do to sustain ourselves and our studios. I taught,” she added, though she believes the censorship also affected her academic career. “I never made tenure and was always given adjunct positions.”

The perceptual barriers women face in their mid-career years are often compounded by the demands care burden that comes with parenthood, which, in every country and culture, still falls disproportionately on women. While many female artists describe parenthood as an experience that enriches their lives and deepens their artistic practices, it unquestionably demands time that previously might have gone to the self-promotion and networking that is often critical to career advancement in the relationship-driven art industry. In a 2011 Axisweb survey of 138 artists, half of the respondents said childcare responsibilities had hindered their career; according to Smith, the majority of artists who said that were women.

“It definitely becomes harder, once you have a family and you’re raising kids, to find the time to not only spend time in the studio making your work, but to promote and…[go] out there and [meet] people, the curators and writers that can promote your work,” said Gabriel de Guzman, Smack Mellon’s curator and director of exhibitions.

Men, Semmel said, “could hide [children] more easily. They were able to handle that kind of double life more easily than a woman could, because she was charged with most of the childrearing.” Regardless of how much childrearing a female artist did, the decision to become a parent often changed people’s perceptions.

“I have a list of things male artists said to me that are just so insulting,” said Simmons, whose mid-career period coincided with the birth of her elder child, the director and writer Lena Dunham. “‘Well, maybe you should find a gallery that’s sympathetic to women with children,’” one man told her. “What gallery exactly would that be? The ‘Women With Children Gallery’?” Simmons laughed. She recalled another critic and curator who was known to tell people, “Oh, Laurie’s work was much better before she had children.”

“There was a time when you couldn’t admit you had a child because that would immediately make you ‘not a serious artist,’” remembered Semmel. “Not men of course, but just women. So you hid your children when people came to look at work.”

Natalia Nakazawa, a New York–based artist and the assistant director of EFA Studios at the Elizabeth Foundation for the Arts, agreed that when an artist’s mid-career period coincides with the raising of small children, it can be challenging.

“It’s the highest point of activity,” said Nakazawa, 36. “The amount of stuff that has to be completed—you have to be at ultimate functionality.”

“There was a time when you couldn’t admit you had a child because that would immediately make you ‘not a serious artist.’”

But in her experience, it pushed her and other mothers she knows to greater heights of creativity, ingenuity, and collaboration, both in life and in art.

“I actually think it’s a very dynamic period, and I think it’s one that…the art world has had the wrong attitude about,” Nakazawa said. “It’s like, ‘Oh, poor you, you have a child, that must suck for you.’”

Nakazawa and her friend Wanda Gala, a performance artist, are both parents. To save on childcare and support each other’s careers, they trade babysitting duties when they need to go out at night and network. Gala drops off her son with Nakazawa if she has to work all night on an installation, or she’ll watch Nakazawa’s three-year-old son while she goes to an opening.

“Let’s face it, the whole art world is based on evening events,” she said, which normally ties up parents or forces them to pay for expensive babysitters. “It clicked on so many levels, and our kids love each other. It was one of those things where it makes sense, if we rely on each other.”

When Abigail Reynolds, a Cornwall-based artist in her forties known for her intricate collages, won 2016’s BMW Art Journey award, she saw a marked contrast between her deep ambivalence around leaving her children, then seven and eight, and the reactions of men she spoke to about her upcoming journey, which took her along Silk Road trade routes, photographing and documenting lost libraries.

“They’d be like, ‘Ah great, you can just not have the children with you, you can have all that time on your own!’” she said. “But it doesn’t feel like that for me. It’s not just, ‘Yay, off I go, yippee.’ It’s actually bittersweet, and I’m torn.…I noted how many men said that to me, because I actually thought about taking the children with me along the Silk Road, which would have been nuts.”

“Women tend not to leave their children for extended periods over that time,” Reynolds continued. “It’s very hard to do so, because your partner basically has to pick everything up, that’s a big negotiation, that’s a big ask. And partly because you just miss them and you feel like you should be there.”

Reynolds avoids identifying herself as a “middle-aged woman,” the same way she wears vaguely androgynous clothes; biographical details or labels are “a constraint as much as they are useful,” she finds. Middle age, in particular, comes with a set of assumptions wholly at odds with her outlook and personal values.

“I prize flexibility, suppleness, openness, and simple direct enjoyment,” Reynolds said. “None of these qualities do we socially attribute to middle age.”

What sustains men in the rocky mid-career period? The explanations often mirror the experience of their female peers. Instead of exclusion and discrimination, boys’ clubs; instead of childrearing obligations, a partner who will do the lion’s share of the work; instead of self-doubt and discouragement, entitlement and ambition.

“Men were, and still are, much more aggressive,” said Bernstein. “They dominate conversations, and their entitlements and expectations are far greater. This is changing, but it is so entrenched and still present in the art world.”

Leeson has noticed it, too.

“Men have a different kind of entitlement and confidence than I did, and even when I went out and tried, I think I made it worse. I’m not a great schmoozer,” she said. “In fact, once someone was interested in buying something, and then they met me and changed their mind,” she added, an experience that further diminished her appetite for schmoozing. “When you are rejected like that, it just does not build your confidence.”

Plus, men had many more colleagues and peers in the art world, Leeson said: “They had groups, so they met, and they helped each other.” Women weren’t necessarily showing or selling enough to exercise leverage on each other’s behalf.

“Men have a different kind of entitlement and confidence than I did, and even when I went out and tried, I think I made it worse.”

Sculptor Judy Fox, 61, said the schmoozing came naturally to her when she was younger; she rather enjoyed the openings and parties. The problem arises later, when women approach what comedian Amy Schumer delicately termed their “last fuckable day.”

“Being an artist now is…almost 50 percent celebrity-ness and charm, and in order to get past that, you have to have really strong work,” said Fox. “Men’s charm, aka sexiness, lasts up until they’re 55, whereas women aren’t sexy after 40, 45, and there’s a huge flirtation thing that goes on in the art world that has to do with charming curators.”

Men, Fox added, are also socialized to value professional success more, giving them “a lot more motivation,” in her observation. (Over the years, studies have shown that people in general are uncomfortable with ambitious women, who often face backlash for self-promotion).

Katchadourian was still grappling with these questions in her thirties. Now, coming off of a traveling mid-career retrospective at age 50, she is no longer ambivalent.

“It took me a while to become comfortable with the idea of being ambitious and wanting success and having success when it happens,” she said. “It feels like a different thing if you’ve been working really hard at something for 25 or 30 years.”

“The art world loves young bad boys and old ladies,” Marilyn Minter loves to say.

In recent years, women in their seventies, eighties, nineties, and even hundreds, as well as long-deceased female artists, have been championed by dealers in need of new material to offer collectors and museums belatedly assessing their male-heavy collections.

The attention lavished on the post-menopausal set has not gone unnoticed by women in their mid-career stage.

“As a woman, maybe what I should expect is to be pretty much ignored, and if I’m lucky enough to get to my seventies, ‘Oh, look, this woman’s been making this interesting work for 70 years,’” Reynolds said, gently mocking the “discovery” of women who have been hiding in plain sight.

“Why do we have to play such a long game?” she continued. “And what if you die when you’re 50? You’re fucked because you never got through the bad bit?”

There are signs that the landscape is beginning to shift. Female storytellers, journalists, and politicians are reshaping popular culture and political and public discourse. In the art world, Frieze London has, for the past two years, featured special sections devoted to female artists. Female artists are even making their way into evening auctions, long the dominion of men. When Sotheby’s held an auction in November 2017 featuring nine lots by women out of 72, the auction house billed it as the most women to appear at one of its contemporary evening sales in its history. Most recently, the sale of Jenny Saville’s Propped (1992) for $12.4 million made her the most expensive living female artist.

“And what if you die when you’re 50? You’re fucked because you never got through the bad bit?”

Institutions are actively seeking artists from demographic groups they have ignored in the past. The female Surrealists have been dusted off and given museum shows. London’s National Gallery finally acquired its first work by Artemisia Gentileschi in July, bringing to 20 the number of works by female artists in its collection of over 2,300 items. In 2017, the Uffizi Gallery announced that it would be showing more work by female artists. In 2016, 197 years after its founding, the Museo del Prado held its first show by a female artist, Clara Peeters, and will open another female-focused show in 2019, with the work of 16th-century painters Sofonisba Anguissola and Lavinia Fontana. These developments establish women and other previously marginalized groups as part of the canon, creating more opportunities for today’s artists.

There are also several prizes dedicated to supporting women in their mid-career period. Smack Mellon offers shows to mid-career female artists. The three-year-old Freelands Award gives £100,000 to a regional arts organization to present an exhibition (including new work) by a mid-career female artist; £25,000 of that is paid directly to the artist. Melanie Cassoff, managing director of the Freelands Foundation, came from a corporate background before heading up the arts organization. She had expected female artists to face similar challenges as women in other parts of the workforce, especially around parenting obligations and access to childcare, but hadn’t realized the art world presented its own unique challenges.

“I had no idea that the concept of mid-career was a very different thing for artists, male and female,” Cassoff said. “It had to be explained to me—that even though you can emerge and make your name, unless you are constantly reinventing yourself, you fall by the wayside.”

In bestowing the inaugural award—to Scottish artist Jacqueline Donachie and Scotland’s Fruitmarket Gallery—the founder of Freelands, Elisabeth Murdoch, noted that despite Donachie’s prominence in Glasgow’s booming art scene, she had never in 25 years of work had a comprehensive exhibition spanning new and old work. In its second year, the award went to Lis Rhodes, who is in her seventies and has been making films since the 1970s, and Nottingham Contemporary.

“The art world loves young bad boys and old ladies.”

This past year, Susan Unterberg, the philanthropist behind the longstanding prize Anonymous Was a Woman—which gives 10 $25,000 grants annually to women over 40—revealed her identity for the first time. Unterberg, 77, who began her career as a photographer in her thirties after marrying and raising two daughters, said she had not been encouraged by those around her to pursue her practice.

“The way I grew up, I wasn’t supposed to have a career, I wasn’t supposed to be an artist, I wasn’t supposed to sell work, which I’m sure was true of a lot of people of my generation, living on the Upper East Side,” she said, referring to the New York neighborhood that includes some of the wealthiest zip codes in the country.

The recipient of a large inheritance, Unterberg was able to work on her art without worrying about finances. But she said winners of the prize have also said the award for them was “not as much about the monetary need as the personal need for recognition.” By coming forward, she hopes to be a more vocal advocate for women supporting one another.

And a younger generation of female artists are finding their mid-career period to be as fruitful as any other. Amy Sherald was in her mid-forties when she painted Michelle Obama’s portrait for the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C. Demand soared for her work, and Sherald was subsequently picked up by global mega-gallery Hauser & Wirth. Katchadourian says her mid-career period has brought peace with her own ambitions, and intimacy with the questions that ground her work.

“I am finding 50 much more comfortable and pleasant than 30,” she said.

For Yamini Nayar, 43, a New York–based artist working in different media, the mid-career period has been one of risk and growth. She left her part-time job at a conservation studio when she became pregnant, and turned to making art full-time. While well-meaning colleagues warned her about becoming a parent, she, like Reynolds, found that parenthood has enriched her work, leading her to new ways of looking, feeling, and seeing.

“I can see the shift toward the body and thinking more bodily,” Nayar said. “I deal a lot with architecture and faith and buildings, but the figure and the body [have] become such a strong part of my thought process now.…It’s really about experiencing it as the body moving through space, and being more in touch with that aspect of myself.”

In fact, Nayar said that until she was reached for this story, she was wholly unaware that mid-career anxieties were common.

“I don’t feel like I’m slowing down,” she said. “I don’t have that sense at all.”

from Artsy News

[uncle-ak]

What Do You Say When…?

"I decided to share this with you because I know you wouldn't judge me for it…"

September is suicide prevention awareness month...

It felt so promising, the start of a new decade. The #2020Visionboard events that took place at the beginning of the year allowing us to envision better, thoughts of daring greatly, plans of stepping out of our comfort zone, exploring new territories, and or growing/expanding our horizon... We are in the last quarter of the year; it feels like we have been battling one thing after another since 'the ball dropped,' be it individually from the loss of a loved one to a worldwide pandemic that has completely changed our view of life and living. It’s almost like we were halted in our tracks. Not to talk of politics and racism…

I can’t put to words the rollercoaster of emotions I have been through between January and now. From watching a barely two-year-old girl child being laid to rest in January, then Kobe Bryant, followed by a series of heart-wrenching moments some of which are mentioned in my previous blog post. In addition to deaths from relatives, friends, and or their loved ones, coworkers, those I’ve worked with, and or were working with. 

Have you had moments where the words, my sympathy, my condolence, Rest in Peace … etc were too hard for you to say or type? Moments where you felt numb, speechless? Moments when you said ‘not again,’ or you couldn’t explain the emotions/feelings brewing within from hearing about another death or any unexpected news? What do you say when...?

 I work in a Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF) aka Nursing Home and I have been there for a little over four years. I have known and worked with most if not all of the long term residents. The geriatric population was my first choice out of grad school primarily because it reminded me of growing up with my grandparents. Watching them wanting to maintain some level of independence even as their body and mind slowly went through the aging process is what drew me to work in that setting with the aim to facilitate independence as much as possible.

On the onset of the Covid-19 outbreak, changes were put in place in an attempt to decrease the spread and preserve health and life. It has been heart pausing to overhear comments like “I just need someone to talk to,” when walking down the hallway. Then you contemplate going to have a brief conversation because you aren’t scheduled to work with them and productivity scores are ringing at the back of your mind but you can’t just walk by like you didn’t hear that. Sometimes the conversation has you wondering; what do you say... to make them feel better, but it sometimes ends up being that all they really wanted was someone to stop by and hear them out.

When I changed my major from pre-pharmacy to psychology in undergrad, the goal was not to pursue a career in counseling psychology even though that’s what people thought. I went on to pursue a Masters in Occupational Therapy (background story) and I still get asked if I’ve considered a career path in counseling and the answer is nope! Part of being an Occupational Therapist occasionally requires me to put on a ‘counseling’ hat but not always as in the case of those who solely provide counseling services. I do love the mind/brain; in undergrad, I had fantasized becoming a brain surgeon thanks to Derek Shepherd in Grey’s Anatomy but the thought of cutting open the skull let alone when they are awake which is the case in certain brain surgeries, I decided I’ll do just fine interacting with the mind/brain externally. Preventive health and health management later became an area of interest in 2018, it has been a journey of discovery which still encompasses mental wellness (a passion of mine).

I've had a number of people share personal stories about themselves with me and they usually use this statement or some variation of it… "I decided to share this with you because I know you wouldn't judge me for it…" I’ve been told too many times to count dating back to 2016. More frequently this year than the past years combined from both men and women, some older than me. Sometimes people just want to share something about themselves without being judged, labeled, or put in a box/category. Listening brings me fulfillment because it brings relief to others. Last year I became a certified Mental Health First Aider (CPR in the area of Mental Health) to update my knowledge and skills as well as learn something new in the field of mental wellness. I've learned and continue to learn to listen in a way that makes people willing to share at their comfort level. What people share and the depth of the conversation depends on how ‘safe’ they feel with regards to what they are about to share and the listener’s ability to actively listen; there's a way to tell if someone is actively listening or not. It is a body language thing. 

I've come to learn that not everyone knows how to actively listen nor has the ability and or skills, but everyone at the very least can 'hear someone out' depending on the hearer's state of mind/headspace. It is also ok to communicate if your state of mind/headspace doesn't allow you to actively listen to someone or just 'hear them out' rather than act like you are listening but your mind is in a thousand and one different places. I think people would appreciate that honesty upfront rather than 'fake listening'. Hearing someone out doesn't necessarily mean they want advice on how to handle a situation. If they do, they would ask, and even if they don't ask, if we listen actively, we can sense that they may want an opinion. There’s a way to listen for what isn’t being said but is implied. They may not necessarily apply your thoughts/opinions but it will make them feel better that they were heard. 

So if someone asks for your opinion and does something otherwise, don't crucify them for it because what they are challenged by may be harder for them to explain in a way that makes sense to you, and maybe they’ve tried your opinion in the past and it didn’t turn out well. Just remember that “everyone is fighting a battle that no one knows about.” Hope that Chadwick Boseman aka T’Challa’s story is an eye-opener for us all. There is always more to what meets the eye and not to judge a book by its cover. Ask open-ended questions to give room for conversation and listen to understand, not to respond.

So, how have you been braving the year thus far despite all that it has been throwing at us? Any self-care strategies (aka coping strategies) that have helped you through to this moment? Anything new that you’ve learned? Sharing is caring, it may help someone out.

For me, I re-read certain books I’ve read before; What I Know For Sure, The Wisdom of Sundays and The Path Made Clear all by Oprah Winfrey. I read new books; No Such Thing as Halfway by Achu ‘Riflex’ Ebong Mba (currently available via his website ), The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer, The Bluest Eye by Tony Morrison, Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi. I’ve been writing as well even though my last blog post was in June. I've been writing mostly for and to myself (not journaling), which is different from writing for others like blogging. I've been doing Zoom workout since April three times per week which has been a lifesaver given that I am a healthcare employee. It has been a ‘coro test’ testing my lung capacity and boosting the immune system; aside from the weekly COVID testing torture we have been mandated to do since July, yes the annoying nasal swabs.

Sometimes music therapy helped and long solo walks in my neighborhood. I've done more hiking this year than I have done combined since I started in September 2015 through last year. I remember when I first shared that I was going hiking back in 2015; oh my, the negative comments that came flying all from those who had never been hiking before. Well, here we are now all basking in the beauty of nature. Watching this unfold taught me that people bash what they don't understand or something they haven’t done or they tried and it didn't work out for them. If it's something you really want to do and it speaks to depths of who or want to be, then figure out how you want to handle all that is being thrown at you and brave it out. At the very least, you’ll learn something/a skill that can be applied in another area of life. 

The past months haven’t been all glamorous, there have been days where I lay on the couch for hours not feeling like doing anything unless my bladder or bowel nudged me to move. I haven't had a full-time workweek since April; it's been tethering around 15-20 hours a week or less. I'm still grateful that some cha-chin is coming in. Grateful for the knowledge that helped me save weekly since 2016. Having to put a hold on the weekly savings this past July was a hard pill to swallow. Given that I'm an hourly employee, the drop-in hours meant a drop in income. Initially, I thought of dropping the savings amount and frequency to once a month to see how it goes, but it seemed to cause some anxiety. 

Amongst all the other challenges, I'm grateful that I haven't had to dip into my savings thus far, grateful for life, health, family, loved ones, and friends. The drop-in hours at work provided room to explore other areas. That thought of exploring other areas didn't initially happen. With the initial onset of the lockdown, there were days of wallowing even though as an ‘essential employee’ I had an excuse to leave the house to go to work for a couple of hours on some days of the week averaging around three days. I'm grateful for knowledge and resources that sparked and nudged me in other directions such as figuring out how to grow my other passions (IG: nannez_fruitdlight and beyonddabookclub; Personal IG: mz_nanne one piece/post at a time to what I envision it to be in the long run, exploring other avenues/options of improving health and wealth. There are still some occasional moments of not feeling like doing anything but it is less frequent than before.

It’s been that type of a roller coaster… then Chadwick Boseman decided to show us how much of a real-life superhero he has been. I had added a pic he took with Lupita Nyong'o on my vision board in 2018 (my vision board was initially done in 2017) because something about their role in Black Panther spoke to me at a deeper level of inspiration. Even though it was ‘just a movie’ it represented and still represents something significant. Some quotes from him that speak to me personally; 

Chadwick Boseman

 “Sometimes you need to feel the pain and sting of defeat to activate the real passion and purpose that God has predestined inside you… Sometimes you need to get knocked down before you can really figure out what your fight is and how you need to fight it.”

 “When I dared to challenge the system that would relegate us to victims and stereotypes with no clear historical backgrounds and no hopes or talents. When I questioned that method of portrayal, a different path opened up for me; the path to my destiny.”

 “Because I said no at certain times, it made me available for things that got me to where I am... Know who you are first, purpose unfolds more and more every day. Be open to what essence is.”

 “Savor the taste of your triumphs today, don’t just swallow them all whole without digesting what is actually happening here. Look down over what you have conquered and appreciated what God has brought you through.”

Thank you Chadwick Boseman for living and telling your story the way you did. Thank you recurrent and new readers. Now over to you; what have you been up to? How have you been braving the year thus far?